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A time capsule of the greatest financial mania in the history of mankind, told in real-time by regular folks and patriots. May future generations better understand the madness of crowds, and how power and money corrupt.
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101 comments:
I need to buy a ticket to Argentina, ASAP! When this couple finds out what I did to them I'm sure they'll come after me!
"Forget the Shrimp Honey,
I'm coming home with the Crabs"...
DIE U PIG
PIMP
Hello, Satan ... Realtor here, I got you two more souls, just give me a year and their YOURS.
"Yeah, he thinks this will finally make her happy. No, there's no way he can really afford it."
time for a threesome in the foreclosure of your choice!
I just made $50000 without doing ANYTHING!
"He bought it... with my daughter"
"Stick a fork in 'em, better yet make that a falling knife!
Hahahaha I know I know they fell for it: Supply is great, interest rates are great, price are down, its a buyer's market!!
You got that right, dead cat bouncing."
I just reeled in another sucker
I told them real estate always goes up
"Honey, I actually got a sale, we don't have to eat ramen for the next month!"
Hello Pimp?
Suzanne here. They fell for the research line again. When they are done dry humping each other I will bring them by the place for a quick tea bagging session.
"What suckers, I not only took them for 6% on the sale of the home, I also double ended the deal and made 4 points on the back off their option arm, nothing like walking away with a cool 50k for opening up a lock-box....and just think, in 6 months I can short sale the home when they lose it!!!!"
heres what she's thinking:
'I'm a model - how did I sink so low as to play a realtor for this stupid picture? My career is over'
Of course I told them it's a fixed rate! How stupid do you think I am?
"Message to self: Come back in 2 years to watch these dumb kids starve while ENOYING THE DIEOFF!"
"No, they have no idea you're giving me an extra 5% kickback!"
I blew him in the closet to seal the deal
We can do this!
Suzanne researched it!
"Looks like these two are going to f*cked twice in one day. Once by me selling this house to them, and once by each other."
I fucked them good!
"Seriously when the said I made this the happiest day in their lives I told them they would never be this happy again as long as they live...you saw the loan docs, they're too stupid to realize I was mocking them and telling them they are f*cked from this day onward and will never be happy again and they just paid me $36,000 for the priviledge of ruining their lives."
"I feel so good about what I've helped these young people accomplish, PLUS I'm making a good chunk of change! Is this a great country, or what?"
"Sweeeet! I just suckered another happy young couple into a debt trap that will make them bankrupt and divorced within two years!!"
"They are thinking about all the sex they're gonna have here, but they don't know who really humped them hard..."
"Hello, yes Fletcher Jones Mercedes? I'll go ahead and take that new S-Class... Yes, the one with the custom rims."
Nope, they didn't qualify.
"Hello Olympic Gardens gentlemans club"
Yes I am turning in my hooker boots and I want my last check made out now!!!
Got the dungeon ready honey ... I have a couple that just loooooves pain.
heres what she's thinking:
'I'm a model - how did I sink so low as to play a realtor for this stupid picture? My career is over'
January 04, 2008 12:15 AM
HA!
I guess she couldn't get a job in Tijuana doing a donkey show.
Too bad, that's much more honest work.
"My research was right, two more chumps reeled in because I am Suzanne!!!"
Hello FBI?
Yes, Casey and G fell for it again.
I'd like to collect the reward money from the Most Wanted poster.
Hello honey?
I just closed on the Robinson's home. I want to celebrate so bust out the prime rib flavored ramen and the blueberry boonesfarm.
What? yes i fuckin now it aint Kobe steak and Don P but it will have to suffice until i get to Nick's check cashing in Santa Ana! You idiot.
Woman Holding Man: Is that the realtwhore chick that screwed us in 2005 when we paid hundreds of thousands more for our house that has collapsed in value because she said real estate never goes down?
Man Holding Woman: Yes! Yes, dear it is. And I've wired her phone to explode!
Woman: Oh baby, you make me hot! H*mp me here and now! I want our baby to be born with the zest and energy of sweet revenge.
Anthony Robbins-lookin' Realtwhore: Yes! I think I conned them into to buying another sh+t box from me. Suckers...
KABOOM!
Ménage à trois
"Send the camera - guy now .. we are in the right mood for the show.
Suzanne .. lets research him "
Hi, Tony?
I need a kilo. Yes, you heard it -- a K. No, I just made the deal of a lifetime. And this time it was out of bed.
Coke Out.
Rebeceah, they want a 4-some, can you join me?
I just blew casey serin for the sake of pity.
"They heard what this place rented for and jumped for joy!"
"God, this sure as hell beats contributing something of value to our society! I'm so glad I didn't waste my time getting an education and a moral compass!"
*********************************
YOU CAN DO THIS!
Who cares if its overpriced by $142,720? It's NO-MONEY DOWN STUPID! Besides, your home value will increase each year! You'll BE RICH!!!!!! TRUST ME!
(just sign here) X_______________
(SUCKER)
**********************************
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**mention the word "Realtor" for special discount...
Too easy. She just got a call from head quarter that Obama is winning and he will be over later on tonight for a four-some.
I just told them that Rudy, Mitt and Hillary all got spanked on the same day.
Fucked another one...
I just bought thier kidneys they can make a payment now.
"Hi..Mom...I just had my first 3 some...it was awesome!"
You were right - there's a sucker born every minute -
Thanks y'all!
"John? Yeah its Sue. This blonde Realtor ditz is so desperate for a sale, I said I'd make an offer if she dry humped George. Yeah, its frickin hilarious. Hey, 10$ IS an offer. I said she was a ditz."
"Hey Suzanne! I just won out little bet. I KNEW there were two more idiots out there who don't read HousingPanic - and here they are!
Hang on a min...let me position the video on this stupid phone so that you can watch these morons dry-humping each other!
-Mammoth
Hon, clear out the suitcases and clothes! We've gotta find another place to crash, PRONTO till this sh*tbox closes!
"I'll be late getting back to the office, I promised my clients a three-way if they would close today."
Borat to the realtor: "Wah-wah-wee-wah, itsa very niice, how much?"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2GoCvuu0dlQ&feature=related
Suzanne, what's a threesome?
V.L.
"Honey, go to AJ's and get a steak, momma hooked some live ones!"
Hi George, I told them the short sale went through and they wanted to thank you for the tax break.
Can he use a skateboard as a down payment? I let them know, thanks!
Shit! She wanted to close, but he's trying to throw her out the window.
Really? Ben Bernanke is dead.
Don't they have a French word for this?
Hello Carl, Suzanne here, that new hooker we hired is outstanding! She’s with a client now and from the looks of things, we should be signing the papers by lunch time!
Don't chop wood for the fire honey, mothers coming home with a load.
"Hi Honey? You know that money that you had saved up? Well I just used it to get a GREAT deal for the newly weds on a 1 bedroom condo in Phoenix for only $1.2 million! I put down your $250,000, they put in all of their savings and sold the dog to get $22,400 so we had a great down payment! And we got a fantastic loan- only 9% for a year and they don't have to pay any interest or principal! Contract says something like resets to 19% after 1 year but lets not worry about the small print on such an emotional day!
I am so glad I listened to Lawrence Yun this morning telling us that the market had 'really really really hit bottom this time'!
Honey I am SO happy for them. Honey, honey?"
(sound of window breaking in the background followed by screaming)
Oh boy...a three way honey?
THANK YOU...THANK YOU...THANK YOU!!!!
Cut my 6% check & tell the Pharaoh @ the bank I just signed up two more saps to help build his pyramid.
Yeah... yeah... call me a sick puppy for giving them false hope... I know as well as you do that they won't get the financing... but it has been so long since I last saw idiots jumping for joy over things they cannot afford!
Seriously, do you think Realtors are going away?
I work with Realtors. Sure a lot of people have the knowledge to look for their own home or sell one by owner. But let me tell you, the majority want someone to hold their hand and do it all for them.
Yeah, can you believe these morons bought a house from me in this market? lol!
Suckers!
"Hi Honey? You know that money that you had saved up? Well I just used it to get a GREAT deal for the newly weds on a 1 bedroom condo in Phoenix for only $1.2 million! I put down your $250,000, they put in all of their savings and sold the dog to get $22,400 so we had a great down payment! And we got a fantastic loan- only 9% for a year and they don't have to pay any interest or principal! Contract says something like resets to 19% after 1 year but lets not worry about the small print on such an emotional day!
I am so glad I listened to Lawrence Yun this morning telling us that the market had 'really really really hit bottom this time'!
Honey I am SO happy for them. Honey, honey?"
(sound of window breaking in the background?)
Two whores and a sucker.
reminds me of old Star Trek reruns
where they'd land on a planet where
everyone was under spell of opium
poppies, or happy trance of all
powerful computer....no sense of
self...only what they were told
they were supposed to feel.
pkk grandma
Honey, put down the Ramen, tonight we're going out to dinner, and we're going to SUPERSIZE it.
"having our most recently hired real-estate agents provide free escort services to our clients-- for three months, was brilliant! and is working like a charm!"
Pssst, guess what?
I just told my buyers there's multiple offers on this home...and if they're really serious about buying it, they should bid over asking by 100k.
Guess what? They said no... we want to bid 185k over asking!
Great! Now I can buy that new BMW I've had my eye on!
Hello, Lenny? I need some legal advice. I'm doing an ad for the NAR and they're having me act like buying a house is a good thing. Is that legal?
Thanks Bill, that was one of my better blow jobs. I'm glad you liked it.
Ka-ching!
"I can't believe we finally sold this money pit, honey. She's on the phone now telling her husband. He sounds pissed. Maybe we should get out of here..."
Honey!
Dwight and Angela from NBC's ' The Office' just bought the condo crapshack in Burbank!!!! Actors, those F-ing aholes. Biggest overspenders next to Cops. SUCKAS!!!!!
Good news. I just rented your house to two idots that will pay off your house for you. In twenty years you will own it free and clear and the tenants will have nothing.
The couple made a very wise decision in buying a house when the prices were low. Home prices will now go up.
God isn't making any more land you fools.
Yeah, the deal got done. Can you believe it! That's another six months I don't have to go back to stripping!
"Of course they didn't qualify, buuuuttt I did lift his wallet, drive by slowly with the window down and I'll jump in."
We will NEVER use a Realtor again.
Realtors SUCK!
"Seriously, do you think Realtors are going away?
I work with Realtors. Sure a lot of people have the knowledge to look for their own home or sell one by owner. But let me tell you, the majority want someone to hold their hand and do it all for them."
Sad, but true.
"Good news. I just rented your house to two idots that will pay off your house for you. In twenty years you will own it free and clear and the tenants will have nothing."
very delusional. I don't think the agent was smoking anything in the photo!
I took it in the butt for a sale.
It wasn't that bad. After all, I AM a REALWHORE....
AIDS test next week. My appointment is right aftr they check Dick Cheney...
...They make $45K a year each....
...$875K...
...Yeah I know that's 10X income, you can still approve the loan right?...
...sure I'll blow you...
..great I'll tell them they're approved
I just signed the divorce papers, I'm only asking for the rights to the house in the divorce. Right behind my back, my stupid ex-husband is hugging his secretary / girlfriend who suggested this. WHAT? The house is HOW MUCH under water?
Good news. I just rented your house to two idots that will pay off your house for you. In twenty years you will own it free and clear and the tenants will have nothing.
January 04, 2008 6:15 PM
------------
Best one yet.
"911. What's the emergency?"
"I need an ambulance right away. The mortgage debtor tard behind me just threw his back out when he tried to lift his wife into the air..."
"You're reporting a spinal injury?"
"Yeah, I think he popped a vertebrae or something..."
"Oooh. That's got to hurt."
"Yeah, but not as much as his mortgage payment will when it resets in 08."
"Poor bastard. We'll send an ambulance right away."
"Hello, Spearmint Rhino? I QUIT!"
Erectile dysfunction?
"Honey! I've discovered how to get all of these empty houses sold!!!
Tribbles!!!! I have two here...since they give birth asexually like married couples, we're going to be rich!!!!
"I just, like, screwed this guy, like, way more than his wife ever will."
"6% here I come." (so to speak)
Girl in Background: "My girl friend just has to check in with her husband and then we can have that 3 way I promised you"
Guy: "Oh honey, you're the best!"
Chick on the phone: "Steve, I am going to swing by Starbucks so I might be a little late."
Yes, I know your REO Department hired me to move the back log, but at least the squaters I recruit make their meth in the garages rather than in the kitchen!
"Baby, I'll be home in an hour. Screw me as hard as I just screwed my clients, OK?"
"Hello. Is this the mortgage broker we give kickbacks too? Cool. This is Suzanne from Centry 21. We got a live one here. They even bought the line, "Real estate never goes down". Yep, I can't believe it either I get 6% for doing nothing. ok anyway, so the same deal here. The only way they can afford this is a teaser rate, neg-am, no doc, subprime. Give them the works. You envelope of cash will get delivered this week."
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