FLASH: Mega-bank UBS does the mortgage meltdown pokey for another $10 billion in losses (yes, that's "billion"). And that's what it's all about.

You put your toxic loan portfolio in,
You put your billions in writedowns out,
You put your CIVs and CDOs in,
And you shake it all about,

You do the mortgage meltdown pokey
and you turn your balance sheet around
And that's what it's all about.

(Sure is gonna get interesting once the banks and their incompetent auditors realize it's not just the subprime debt that ain't getting paid back. Still early days for the mortgage meltdown pokey - lot of dancing still to come!)

Swiss banking giant UBS said Monday that it will write down the value of its subprime mortgage holdings by a further $10 billion, leading to a loss in the fourth quarter and potentially wiping out all its profits for the year.

The bank also announced plans for a capital injection of 13 billion Swiss francs ($11.5 billion) from the government of Singapore and an unnamed investor in the Middle East.

"Conditions in the U.S. mortgage and housing markets have continued to deteriorate, and we have updated our loss assumptions to the levels implied by the current distressed market for mortgage securities," said CEO Marcel Rohner.

The group took a write-down of around $3.4 billion in early October, but warned later in the month that it may have to take further charges if the U.S. housing market deteriorated further.

FLASH: Mortgage CDOs seen as being worth just pennies on the dollar

I seriously can't believe what I'm reading.

The collapse of banks, lenders, financial institutions and hedge funds worldwide is coming.

Everyone head to the shelter, and don't come out for a few months or years. What we're about to witness in 2008 your children's children's children will still be studying.

Markets can stay irrational much longer than you think they can, but at one point... "Mark to Market" anyone? Auditors anyone? This is surreal. Untold billions have already been lost (but not taken) and trillions more are to come.

Wow. If you're not scared now, you will be in a few seconds.

Top CDO Classes May Lose 80 Percent, Barclays Says

Dec. 6 (Bloomberg) -- U.S. mortgage assets in collateralized debt obligations have lost so much value that the top classes of the securities may be worth as little as 20 cents on the dollar in a liquidation, Barclays Plc analysts said in a report.

Initially assigned low investment-grade ratings, about 20 percent to 30 percent of principal would be covered for the ``super senior'' portions of mezzanine asset-backed bond CDOs, which mainly contain mortgage bonds and other CDOs, Barclays said in the report yesterday.

The senior-most classes of CDOs containing highly rated asset-backed bonds would recoup 30 percent to 65 percent, it said.

FLASH: Bush and Paulson to announce new comedy routine tomorrow - first joke is to pretend that housing gamblers get a 5-year freeze on toxic loans

Don't believe it.

Just like the "Super SIV", "Mission Accomplished" and Bush's "Social Security Reform", this bank-failure-avoidance-scheme is going to be just another epic failure of this incompetent and corrupt administration.

There will be lawsuits filed as early as tomorrow against such a stupid plan (just think if you took a toxic loan out the day before the window started, or a bondholder who expected contracts to be worth something), and some hilarious unintended consequences - namely EVERY SINGLE HOMEDEBTOR WITH AN ARM SHOULD STOP MAKING PAYMENTS TODAY.

Plus many of these homedebtors so graciously "helped" are going to walk away anyway - because the value of their home is plummeting so hard and so fast it's better to turn in the keys and tell the bank to F off.

Bush to outline 5-year rate freeze plan: sources

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - President George W. Bush is expected to outline on Thursday a plan to freeze mortgage rates for five years for many U.S. homeowners facing sharp increases in their monthly payments, industry sources said on Wednesday.

Final details of the plan are still being worked out after a trade group that represents large mortgage investors presented its framework for implementing a broad rate freeze to the Treasury Department late on Tuesday, the sources said.

The sources, who are familiar with details of the trade group's pitch, said the plan envisions covering subprime loans taken out between January 1, 2005, through the end of this past July, with rates that are due to reset over the coming 2-1/2 years.

An estimated 1.8 million U.S. homeowners who took out loans with low teaser rates face pricey loan resets next year alone, the Federal Reserve has said. Officials fear half a million borrowers risk losing their homes.