April 22, 2007

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you "Toni - The Mortgage Broker Hottie ;-)"

Hat-tip to housing-boom blog and an eagle-eyed HP'er for bringing us this gift.. And to Toni - The Mortgage Broker Hottie ;-) herself, for being such a nice representation of this unregulated, untrained and unnecessary business.

At what point did "mortgage broker" even become something society needed? Remember when we had banks? Remember when you knew your banker and he knew you? And wouldn't the internet do a better job than an untrained and unregulated bartender?

Is there any question now why the cocaine-fueled poser cities of Phoenix, Vegas, Miami and San Diego became epicenters of rampant mortgage fraud and historic housing bubbles?

Well, at least Toni - The Mortgage Broker Hottie ;-) has a fallback position.

Be gentle HP'ers... she's just a girl trying to make a buck...

Toni - The Mortgage Broker Hottie ;-)

About me:

Hi guys, A little about me: Well Im a Mortgage Broker able to close both residencial and commercial loans in 42 states.

I love my job because I get to help people get buy homes or refinance them. In the process I also get to make some money.

On the side I also plan events and parties in best place of all... Miami Beach. Im a night club promoter so if you need to get on my guest list, just let me know. On Thursdays Im at Cielo, Fridays at Dek 23 and Saturdays at Glass.

Who I'd like to meet:

Im always happy to meet new people. Anyone whos in the mortgage or realestate business, anyone whos into the nightclub industry. Basically everyone. So send me a friend request and I might just accept it...lol

43 comments:

Anonymous said...

Apparently she's not a hottie, she's a "hotie."

Anonymous said...

This makes me hate South Beach even more than I did before

I think I got an STD reading her profile

Speculative Bubble said...

Thanks for the add Toni :)

David said...

"I think I got an STD reading her profile"

LOL!

Anonymous said...

I wonder if she can blow your mortgage problems away.

David in JAX said...

I have to say that I'm glad I used a mortgage broker when I bought my first home. I didn't like the guy very much, but he saved me money. When I shopped mortgage rates and fees, I found that the banks offered much higher rates and much larger fees. The banks also cared very little about competition or landing me as a customer. Here is what actually happened. I went to my personal bank and talked to a person about a loan. They quoted me 6.25% on a traditional 30 year fixed with $1200 in fees. The mortgage broker I used got me 5.5% fixed with $600 in fees. Then, after 3 months, my personal bank bought my loan from the mortgage company. I would have prefered to work directly with my personal bank who ended up owning the loan anyway, but I had to go with the lower rates and fees.

Of course, I'll be paying cash for my second home because I was smart enough to sell at the peak and rent.

Anonymous said...

David in jax:

Good point. A good mortgage broker serves as a means by which competition b/t banks is fostered, not much unlike lending tree. Thus s/he would get the business that would otherwise go to a bank. The modern broker unforunately became way to enticed borrowers into the worst product thus maing direct lending from a bank a better option because you knew you would not suffer bait & switch etc. Hopefully we will get some reform in this sector of the mortgage industry to get it back to where it needs to be. I will be going w/ my credit union which while they may not be the best in town, they are above average and I will not be opening myself to exploitation.

Anonymous said...

Hey KEEFER why the hatred of beautiful women. You rip on hot realtors all the time, now hot mortgage babes are attacked too. I guess in your world only white men should be allowed to transact any kind of business. Women and minorities need not apply for the job. Nice.

Anonymous said...

"I think I got an STD reading her profile"

Hope you don't mind if I steal that one - it's a classic.

keith said...

If it was "Tony - The Mortgage Broker Hot Dude" he would have gotten a lot worse treatment

My issue is with the "professions" of realtor and mortgage broker where anyone who can fog a mirror can lead others to financial ruin.

Why people trust bartenders, D students and high school dropouts with $500,000 and the most important financial decision of their lives I'll never understand.

Why people pay these unregulated, untrained, dishonest and unqualifed conmen and women thousands and thousands and thousands of dollars for a few hours work also makes no sense to me.

And this - have you ever seen a doctor or a lawyer have a side job as a nightclub promoter?

Nuff said.

Anonymous said...

And this - have you ever seen a doctor or a lawyer have a side job as a nightclub promoter?

Actually yes I know a lawyer who runs a side business with his wife doing just that. Ironically enough his area of specialty is home construction defects. I'm not making this shit up.

Anonymous said...

Anyone who calls themselves a hottie is almost always a nottie

Anonymous said...

I DID get an STD reading her profile

It burns doc! It burns!

Anonymous said...

Anyone check out her friends pictures? Yuck! Miami is the grossest town in America

Anonymous said...

that's ok........the mortgage broker hottie is about to learn what this world is really all about. she will , like so many of her age, go to fight the great war, the war against terrorism......when the draft comes again, due to political correctness and diversity and feminism, she too, shall be drafted......for the draft legislation slowly working its way through the house, includes every able bodied man and woman between the ages of 18 and 49.......drink up, mortgage banker hottie......your day in the sun is coming......but the only part of you that will get the tan is your face, because you will have arpat's on........

FlyingMonkeyWarrior said...

She gets all or most of her leads for the commercial and home loans at the bars.
I had a friend in real estate (Clerk)and she did so much business networking in the bars that she would say, " I need to go out so I can drum up some buyers and listings."

Yep, Hottie and single.

bugsy said...

At least she doesn't try to pretend to be intelligent and professional, like the rest of them. Party girl for rent, buy a house and get a freebie.

Anonymous said...

The "broke"rs could always go into the pharmaceutical rep business.

It's the same profession, just switch houses for (legal) drugs.

WaitingToBuy said...

I do not understand why people put doctors and lawyers in the same category. Doctors have my respect and have tons of schooling. While lawyers pretend to have tons of schooling. Lawyers are like real estate clerks and mortgage brokers.

Natural Eyebrows said...

Is "night club promoter" the new euphemism for stripper?

She can't spell, and doesn't know English grammar. Worse, she has painted-on eyebrows.


All right, it's time for New Rules, ladies and gentlemen.
...
New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: do you have two of them? Okay, we're done.

Bill Maher 4/8/05

http://tinyurl.com/yqgf99

Anonymous said...

The great thing about mortgage brokers, for sophisticated borrowers anyway, is that you're not limited to only one - so you can play them off against each other.

When I bought my house 4 years ago, I could basically dictate my desired terms to my broker, under the threat of him losing my business.

Apparently, nowadays in Miami you can dicktate even better terms with this hottie!!!

Anonymous said...

I miss Miami

Anonymous said...

She does it in 42 states!

Anonymous said...

THAT'S SOME TERRIBLE SPELLIN'!!!!!!

The grammar sucks too.

I wouldn't let her within a mile of any of my legal documents. STDs?!? Just think of how bad a screw job she could do to you with her 'knowledge'. No doubt a graduate of the famed Hollywood Upstairs Medical College.

Anonymous said...

The worst part is that she called herself a mortgage broker hottie - that's bringing it on herself

MadMonkey said...

You can tell if some one is unemployed or on drugs if they list their occupation as:

1) Party/Club promoter
2) Jewelry maker
3) Professional secret shopper
4) Music producer (this is a favorite of black men).
5) Expatriote housing blogger

Anonymous said...

Hmmm...no visible tatoos!

or I mean body art!

Anonymous said...

You people crack me up. Slam her all around, but every single male that posts that drivel knows damn well they'd tap that stuff in a nano-second if given a chance.

Anonymous said...

...every single male that posts that drivel knows damn well they'd tap that stuff in a nano-second if given a chance.

I wouldn't screw that stuff with your d*ck, anon.

Anonymous said...

"You people crack me up. Slam her all around, but every single male that posts that drivel knows damn well they'd tap that stuff in a nano-second if given a chance."


sex is greatly overexagerated isn't it? i mean .......a woman is a woman.......you have to get along with them......and you cannot stay in bed 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.....to say that most on here would tap that, is silly.....i tell you what anon...that girl looks like she has a temper.........just let her cuss you out a few times, then we will see how you like her then..or perhaps you need to hear the real her.......let her bitch and complain and nag on your ass for a while.....or perhaps let her go out and run up your credit cards for you and buy this and that since she looks like the typical spoiled rotten gen x variety anyways.......you know behind that pretty face and that cute smile and that nice body is the real person.....perhaps you are not thinking this thing through old chap......remember, you have two heads.......one of them is for thinking , i would assume........

Anonymous said...

Hotie [sic] or just "Ho"?

Anonymous said...

She smells of cheap whiskey, stale cigarettes and vagasil!

Shakster not lauphing said...

.WTF mates,did the Humor Bubble just pop? 32 comments ,and I was expecting to roll for 1/2 an hour trying read them."I think I got an STD reading her Profile", was excellent.

jt said...

shoot, not everyone can be an actress or stripper, despite their visual credentials.

Anonymous said...

If the night club thing doesn't work for lead generation she can put some clothes on and hit up some churches. That's what they usually do

Guide to hotties 101 said...

I bet her schtick is to hit up on the desperate club going guys who she will never sleep with, but pull the bait and switch on them.
Makes them believe they might have a chance at tapping it if they do business with her. Then once they buy a place, she tells them she'll go out with them, but only if she brings her group of hideous fat female friends hot women like her always have around them. Next thing you know, your sitting there getting hit on by shamu, while Toni the hottie" is off on the dance floor with the rich good looking guy.

If there is one thing I learned at an early age. If you date a really hot girl, your going to have to deal with the hideous beasts she has as friends and all their "I'm fat and ugly" issues.
And to stay with the hottie, you have to pretend you like her miserable friends. All hot girls have a couple of fatties they always hang with because it makes them look even better when out at clubs or parties.

Anonymous said...

Keith, You forgot whom instead of who!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Just remember, for every hot girl that you see out there, there is some guy tired of screw*ng her and dealing with her.

Frank said...

Society has *NEVER* needed "mortgage brokers." It's a bullshit job created for retards who cannot hold a real job that requires thinking and work.

Jamba Monkee said...

She's not very modest, classy, or well educated. She is pretty hot though. Maybe Spanish is her first language and she doesn't use her English too often. It seems that way, at least.

Anonymous said...

She may be cute now....but when she's 60 and a realtor it won't be so nice!

BG said...

You guys are harsh. If I am getting a mortgage, I would rather look across the desk and get screwed by someone who looks like her instead of a short fat douche that looks like Danny DeVito.

What is it with MySpace? I get it if you are in high school or younger, but adults using it is ridiculous!

Anonymous said...

Toni does Tampa (mortgages)

Home of the "Exploding Member 5/1 Mortgage" -

The Russian Roulette of mortgage brokers - stick your d*ck in and see if you blow up like the old Eddie Murphy routine on STD's.

Anything special for piggyback customers ;>} ??

Serviced Quagmire from Family Guy when he was buying his batch pad (she does it in Rhode Island too).

Party in her pants and you're the guest of honor after signing.