October 02, 2008

Ten ideas for the US government to stop this economic crisis in its tracks right now

1) Ban all stock sales. Only purchases are to be allowed from here on out

2) Offer to buy every home in the country for what last sucker paid, regardless of market value

3) Send everyone $10,000

4) Cancel income taxes for 2008 and 2009

5) Announce a default on the US debt held by foreigners

6) Ban gold ownership

7) Declare all opposition as enemy combatants

8) Nationalize Wal-Mart and cut prices another 50%

9) Mandate that all employers must raise wages 100% immediately

10) Declare the official language is now Swedish, and that underwear can only be worn on the outside

(yes, this is a joke. and so is our out-of-control, incompetent, corrupt and panicked government, who after doing NOTHING on the way up, now refuses to let the free market wash away its own excess on the way down)


Anonymous said...

France seeks €300bn rescue fund for Europe

France heaped pressure on Gordon Brown last night by floating an ambitious plan for a ¤300 billion (£237 billion) bailout fund to rescue crippled banks across Europe.

As the world held its breath on the fate of America’s $700 billion bank bailout plan, President Sarkozy was seeking the backing of European leaders for his own lifeboat.

Anonymous said...

LONDON (MarketWatch) -- British house prices saw a 1.7% monthly fall in September, for a record annual decline of 12.4% as tight credit conditions and an unsettled economic picture took a toll on the housing market, mortgage lender Nationwide said Thursday.
House prices have dropped for 11 consecutive months, according to the Nationwide index.
The drop brought the price of a typical house in the United Kingdom down to 161,797 pounds ($286,463) from 164,654 pounds in August.

Anonymous said...

He missed one...

Goverment limits how many guns you can own as crime wave sweeps the nation.


Agent 99 said...

"Only Senator Edward M. Kennedy, who is being treated for brain cancer, did not vote." NYT 10/2/08

What can you say?

schizoid said...

Ban all stock sales. Only purchases are to be allowed from here on out

After 9/11 some idiot on one of the news channels actually suggested banning sales when the market reopened. The guest he was interviewing politely pointed out the obvious problem with that.


Swedish? The official language will be Chinese. Ni hao!

We defaulted on our debts twice (1933 and 1971) when we stiffed holders of gold and silver certificate and bondholders. The third default will be the end of our nice experiment in freedom.

Nick said...

The Federal Government needs to lower my mortgage. For example, if someone bought a townhouse for $399,000 and saw it's value go up and get a HELOC loans to purchase a Movado watch, jewelry, nice furniture, the latest electronic toys, etc... and now home prices are crashing down, the government should help them out. Also, the government should wipe out/erase their consumer debt!

Anonymous said...

(yes, this is a joke. and so is our out-of-control, incompetent, corrupt and panicked government, who after doing NOTHING on the way up, now refuses to let the free market wash away its own excess on the way down)

What are you talking about? They did plenty on the way up. This is all a result of government intervention and the collusion of Wall Street, the REIC and Washington. We don't have a government that works in the best interests of the people or obeys it's contract with the people: the Constitution.

They made the mess and their natural response is to intervene more and make things worse.

So with all this government spending are we in hyperinflationary territory yet?

Anonymous said...

exclude anything that benefits citizens.

Anonymous said...

Lets allow people to buy their own mortgages at a 80% discount -- just like Goldman Sachs can.

tokyo boy said...

Yeah, mortgage forgiveness has got to be added to the list.

Anonymous said...

Send Kendra Todd out for unlimited free blowjobs to each and every american. Connie DeGroot to become hag washrwoman cleaning toilets in Bev Hills and caveman adkins to be postr boy for birth cotrol under the caption 'don't let this happen to you'.

Anonymous said...

Play russian roulette with senate and house. Use 3 bullets and leave three empty. Do same with executive branch. Use 6 bullets and leave none empty...

Anonymous said...


Connie DeGroot cleaning toilets in Beverly Hills?

Make that Bitch clean every toilet at every bus stop in Compton!


none of the above said...

What is really needed is a NONE OF THE ABOVE for voting. Fat chance of the politicians allowing that.

Anonymous said...

No, you missed the most important and probably the most effective one!

Ban all HOUSE sales (except by banks!!!)

Frank@Scottsdale-Sucks.com said...

I'll take #4.


For anyone who objects, remember that your boy Ron Paul wants to dismantle the IRS and eliminate all income taxes.

Stuck in So Pa said...

11) Place an indefinite moratorium on ALL home foreclosures until further notice. This further screws the big bankers and NOTHING hurts the all powerful unions like taking away their power to tax!

Anonymous said...

Yes, this is a joke. and so is our out-of-control, incompetent, corrupt and panicked government, who after doing NOTHING on the way up, now refuses to let the free market wash away its own excess on the way down"
Keith, you obviously known nothing about our Conservative government here in the USA works. It is not out of control. It is not incompetent.

But the government is for sale, and any special interest group that can raise the cash is able to buy what they want.

Welcome to the Libertarian New World Order!

Anonymous said...


(1) Back the FDIC insurance up to the current amount of 100 thousand .
To raise the insurance without the banks paying for that insurance is
again unfair .

(2) Having orderly closings of insolvent banks with government assisted mergers or BK assistance .

(3) Unregulated banks that are not insured by FDIC ,get no assistance by FDIC .
(4) The government should dismantle Freddie and Fannie and turn it into about 6 companies and
sell it to private industry and
take away any government insurance .(5)
Keep the government sponsored FHA and VA loans but limit the amount of loans per year .

Charge a extra tax for 5 years to taxpayers making over 250 thousand a year .Also charge a special community destruction tax for 10 years to all firms that engaged in faulty lending
practice or unsound asset leveraging

Give tax breaks to industry to increases alternative energy . Pass laws that encourage oil drilling.

Create additional Government funded jobs to private industry to build bridges ,roads ,energy grades ,any thing of a public good . At the end of the projects than
some to be sold back to private industry and profits to go back to taxpayers .

Extend unemployment insurance during economic recovery .
Make a effort to speed up the ending of the USA presence in IRAQ, as long as it is safe to do so .

Require new underwriting standard for regulated lenders and make all unregulated banks become regulated .Require greater reserve requirements for any Company that engages in public lending .

Require greater requirements for Mortgage Brokers .
Increase the disclosure requirement on any loan especially facts about adjustments in interest rates and take away any teaser rate loan and require that borrowers qualify on the true rate . Require that any loan that is above 80% must be insured .
Clean up the Appraisal system by making it so realtors and loan agents cannot control appraisals .

Have law enforcement continue to investigate and prosecute any party that committed fraud during the housing boom . This would also mean right up to the top .

Have the government assist in
selling insolvent banks assets for
creditors .

Require that only a fiduciary can give investment advice and
make it a violation that a realtors can insure a future value of a asset to a client .

Encourage lenders to re-work
loans to avoid foreclosures .
Reinstate tax on forgiven debt on short sales or foreclosures .
Require that escrow companies report prior to closing any third party pay-offs in a transaction that were not in the Sales Contract . Also require more over site from real estate brokers if a listing has increased in value in a short time .

Have Fed injections of liquidity ,or have government assisted programs in which if lenders lend they get tax breaks if the credit crunch gets to tight .

Or spend 3 trillion plus interest and get nothing that will help a recovery ,better know as the Paulson Plan .

trickle up said...

why is "Send everyone $10,000" a joke? it sounds better to let main street decide where the money goes instead of wall street. states would get sales tax benefits, banks would have people putting a bunch into their savings, people would be able to pay off some major bills which would help the credit industry, etc. people would probably make smarter choices than before knowing that the good times might not last forever.

Anonymous said...

11.) Ban all firearms, including bows and arrows adn cross bows!

keith said...

I'm disappointed nobody got my Bananas reference (point 10). click the link. funny fricking movie