July 18, 2008

If it wasn't so true it'd be funny - "Recession-Plagued Nation Demands New Bubble To Invest In"


This one from The Onion is classic.

Bubble after bubble after bubble.

How else are we supposed to buy crap we don't need?


WASHINGTON—A panel of top business leaders testified before Congress about the worsening recession Monday, demanding the government provide Americans with a new irresponsible and largely illusory economic bubble in which to invest.

"What America needs right now is not more talk and long-term strategy, but a concrete way to create more imaginary wealth in the very immediate future," said Thomas Jenkins, CFO of the Boston-area Jenkins Financial Group, a bubble-based investment firm. "We are in a crisis, and that crisis demands an unviable short-term solution."

The current economic woes, brought on by the collapse of the so-called "housing bubble," are considered the worst to hit investors since the equally untenable dot-com bubble burst in 2001. According to investment experts, now that the option of making millions of dollars in a short time with imaginary profits from bad real-estate deals has disappeared, the need for another spontaneous make-believe source of wealth has never been more urgent.

Despite the overwhelming support for a new bubble among investors, some in Washington are critical of the idea, calling continued reliance on bubble-based economics a mistake. Regardless of the outcome of this week's congressional hearings, however, one thing will remain certain: The calls for a new bubble are only going to get louder.

"America needs another bubble," said Chicago investor Bob Taiken. "At this point, bubbles are the only thing keeping us afloat."

71 comments:

Anonymous said...

Insert mandatory "Bubbles are for bathtubs" here...

pwnd said...

Here's another gem by the onion:

http://tinyurl.com/ymksdx

if you read it (and you should) keep in mind the date it was written - uncanny!

Anonymous said...

Sounds like another top down scheme to harvest money from the lemmings. Business propaganda, subsidized by the Government, sad.

Idea actually invented by the Nazi's to prop up the German Economy in the 30's. Desparate businesses were supported by the Regime with declarations to buy this and that. More overt but same principlw. Read about it.

Another notch in the decline of America, so keep buying those Iphones folks. The gotta haves are keeping us afloat.

Anonymous said...

Al Gore, our unofficial renewable energy czar, has a GE-sponsored $3 trillion plan in his back pocket...

guys n. cognito said...

the Onion makes some prescient calls every once in a while...

they wrote a Gilette razor article where the CEO said, "f it, gimme a razor w/ FIVE blades!" and then a few months later the company actually came out w/ that exact product.

Gerbil said...

When are we going to learn? Rich people need our money. Without siphoning our wealth through inflation, they might be ordinary people like you and me.

UnKle Ben has not done enough this time. What more could he do? How bout lower interest rates to zero? Create a new CPI based solely on housing prices? Order more printing presses for the Treasure Dept?

Get with the program said...

This onion parody is three days old already. Ha ha. Move On.

Get with the program.

balls to the wall said...

What would the next bubble be? Commodities trade seems to be unwinding.Could it be stocks once again.

What about alternative energy?some of the prices on these solar stocks look real bubbleicous to me.Firstsolar is about 300 / share.Reminds me of the people who went gaga for google and lost their ass.

Boone pickens is out pumping up his new alt. energy comapany clne trying to save the world.Al gore said we could all be dead in 10 years as the ice caps melt and flood the coasts.What is a guy to do?

Anonymous said...

annnd the short covering ended by Friday, as predicted. Now back to a huge market nosedive since nothing has changed and fundamentals continue rotten. I hope you fools didn't jump in the rigged market, following the BS from Wall Street crooks that we have hit bottom. Yeah, right.

Anonymous said...

That's the least of our worries. Here's what you should be preparing for:

http://tinyurl.com/6ctccb

Good luck!

consultant said...

We have become the most egotistical country on the planet. It's all about "I", "me". There is no we or us.

We think we are still the good guys. But we're not. We've become a rogue, pirate nation. If you had asked the middle and upper class in 1928 Germany, what their country would look like in 15 years, few of them would have predicted what came to past.

At some point in the near future, if we don't stop this reckless behavior, a bunch of other nations are going to join forces and put an end to it for us.

silly devestment said...

What costs the taxpayers more?

Printing money through reckless lending or paying interest while keeping inflation tame?

Now that we have had inflation, can the fed create wealth and print money by borrowing it and paying high interest?

The last time I saw an interest rate bubble was just after the gold boom of 1980.

Anonymous said...

Investment in SMART Electicity Grid Technology that will replace/innovate the century old electrical grid that we have right now !!!

Anonymous said...

OMG!! Sanity has left the building, we are indeed doomed... Im moving to a cave , call me when its over will ya?

k.w. - Southern Ca. said...

This "creative solution" only benefits the very wealthy, since bubbles burst, prices fall, and they come in and swoop up everything for pennies on the dollar.

It's still "business as usual" up on captial hill, which is just another indiciation that we're heading straight for the gutter.

Anonymous said...

Let it go folks, the wrong people are breeding like flies:

http://tinyurl.com/6pj2ak

Prepare the wallet because Hussein will be collecting to support all these welfare parasites while you work your a$$ off. The US is doomed!

Anonymous said...

Sad part is it's all truth

Mike Hunt said...

Green energy is the next bubble.

By this I mean a grid of renewable electric power through a variety of sources: solar, wind, biomass and wave. It's a good concept but will be overblown and put into a bubble just like tech stocks.

PS: when that kicks in then commodities will come back down. Maybe gold will go to the moon but it won't stay there.

You heard it first here HP'ers.

-Mike

Anonymous said...

Fantasy imitating real life.

Kenduffelsniffenspotzen.

BMW Driving Sex Machine said...

Alternative Energy / Green & Sustainable technology is going to be the next bubble to fleece a bunch of losers.
Many are already jumping on the bandwagon after seeing how Al Gore has fleeced idiots out of millions with his carbon credit trading scheme aka tax for morons.
Your already seeing solar companies that haven't made a dime of profit given insane stock price valuations. Sound familiar? I'm getting flasbacks of 1998 and pets.com.

I'm calling it right now. Thats the next bubble.

xxxooo said...

the onion is for DOPES. keith, your stuff is much, much better in the sense that you let reality speak for itself. Steven Spielberg noted once that his creativity can't compete with the real world's...

Econ Professor PHD said...

I'm all for inflation, because it will raise asset prices, therefore my home will go up in value.

bickerer said...

On Monday, Obama wrote a New York Times op-ed in which he acknowledged the success of the surge. "In the 18 months since President Bush announced the surge," Obama wrote, "our troops have performed heroically in bringing down the level of violence. New tactics have protected the Iraqi population, and the Sunni tribes have rejected Al Qaeda--greatly weakening its effectiveness." A day later, Obama gave a speech in which he declared for the first time that "true success" and "victory in Iraq" were possible. In addition, the Obama campaign scrubbed its presidential website to remove criticism of the surge.

The debate then, is over, and the landslide verdict is in: The surge has been a tremendous success.

SeattleMoose said...

Bubbles are for bathtubs......."Einstein"

Anonymous said...

Let oil go up to $300.00 per barrel. Then let the cock-faced idiot speculators cry when it crashes back to fundamentals. In a bubble, there's always some fool left hodling the bag.

ITEOTWAWKI said...

How about a coffin bubble?

http://www.infowars.com/?p=3462

Yep, these are cheap plastic coffins. Hundreds of thousands of them. Don’t believe it?

Why coffins? Why in the middle of Georgia?

See link for short story and short you tube.

Anonymous said...

Might I suggest Ammo as the new bubble?

Shakster said...

We are so fukking Phukked.
Every dik in mass media is shillin.We still take polls for when the "crash" might happen.
It has happened.The Economic Body is nearly a Corpse.
Every one just go get Laid,or something.

Shakster said...

Ya'll see Google?
50 dollah smakdown ,and pretty much skydiven since six fiddy.
GM will be nationalised after being "Federalised" for 30 years.Oh yeah that otta make em into an honest ,sincere,and great company.
Ford.....yur phukkkkt,nice try,thanks for the memories.
Chrysler? thanks for playing, GM maybe dead,again,but they are bigger, fatter,and anything with "General" in it's name is what we Fascists love. Change your name to Central Car Corp or something,and we'll think about it.
Love watching people move out of Cali Grapes of Wrath style. Caravans of Mexican nationals towing all their posessions,and Okies goin Ma follow Pa with the windows down to save fuel.No Sh!dder dudes,it's happening.True wild west Merkins know not recession,or who will give a job,or welfare check.They go make jobs.
All the Taxes won't save the golden goose now that it's dead. We gott whores moving into my little hood compliments of the section eight dorks in Beggersfield.The old dufus war vets love to give them chunks of their retirement checks for a close look.
Pretty soon it'll be a squash,and a head of lettuce for a blow job around here.
Ok,I admit this place was screwed before the bubble blowed up,but damn,why the hell would the rest of the world want to follow.It's as if everyone said ,HMMMmmmmmmm,how can I screw the neighborhood up a little mor today?
I know,lets all get addicted to meth!,and go on welfare! Yayyyyyyyyyyyyyy.It's the good life for now on.
Did this place just now implode,or have the wolves just now found the rotten remains of the UnitedStates that died a gastly death in th 20s?We have been intraveniously pumped full of formaldehyde for 70 years,and the nurse fell asleep at the nozzle.All we are seeing now is the confirmation.It's dead Jim.Yeah,No shit,and it's taking the world with it.
OOOPs Sorry everyone,our bad.
The US- Too Big to Bury.
True Americans come together to clean up the mess foisted upon the whole Goddamned World.Jesus fukking christ,whatta joke.Go vote the whole stinking mess out of your sorry nonexistant souls.Where's my dog?

Charles said...

I don't know if it's sad or funny that the Onion and the Daily Show give us the hardest hitting economic new coverage.

I remember when John Stewart grilled Greenspan on his policies that "reward wealth versus work" when everyone else was kissing his ring on the book tour.

Blumpski said...

This is very sad. We really don't produce anything of meaningful value (unless you consider Batman, Pimp My Ride & Desperate Housewives to be valuable), this is going to be a painful ride on the way down. The worst part is that the U.S. Government will do anything to enable the sheeple to continue live the lie, believing they are rich because they have tons of debt.

Anonymous said...

rich in fl said

I am shocked at what I was reading on my screen on hp. I never really thought those people who were quoted would say those things they said even more shocked to publicly say those things. Your thoughts I'm curious!

Anonymous said...

I was going to buy a foreclosure from Wachovia. The shyster bank tried to start a bidding war and terms that were outrageous then I found a link where Wachovia was being investigated for laundering drug money.

So I give them my entire stack of money, pay 7% since I am self employed. I pay interest only for a declining asset and maintain it for years. If I need to sell it it costs me 50k to unload it "IF" it has not fallen in value at which case I will lose my 7.91 FICO for 10 yrs

Hmmmm...I can rent that house for HALF price and I still have my stack. When the deck falls off I say "good bye"

Owning is bad
Renting is good

We have been brainwashed by shyster bankers from birth.

Anonymous said...

I can't believe they are doing this...But they most likely don't care if this country sinks; they will be the rats fleeing the sinking vessel anyway. It will be YOU and ME who are going to end up like the people in Africa living in tents.

My advice: Learn how to use firearms and reload ammunition. Learn how to cultivate your own food. Don't think for a second that your 401Ks are going to save you.

Anonymous said...

is this guy related to Cramer and Trump who screamed to have the interest rates lowered and look at the mess that made. Now they need another bubble so they can play stock market games (and stay employed, keep the TV shows going, keep syphoning money from people who don't have it) but the people that get hurt are people who have nothing. Greedy White People.

Anonymous said...

Securities regulators from several U.S. states on Thursday inspected the St. Louis headquarters of Wachovia Securities, seeking documents and records on the company's sales practices.

The move is part of a broad investigation into questionable practices involving auction-rate securities, Missouri officials said.

Missouri Secretary of State Robin Carnahan's office said the "special inspection" at the Wachovia division, the former A.G. Edwards, concerned the $330 billion auction-rate securities crisis. Wachovia Securities is part of Charlotte, N.C.-based Wachovia Corp. (WB, Fortune 500)

ush said...

Thought I had heard it all, but this is proof that the lunatics are running the asylum.

Craig said...

They should have including the oil bubble in the satire ...

Anonymous said...

is this a joke or do they really said that?

Soon to be us said...

HARARE, Zimbabwe (CNN) -- Zimbabwe's troubled central bank introduced $100 billion banknotes Saturday in a desperate bid to ease the recurrent cash shortages plaguing the inflation-ravaged economy.

Anonymous said...

http://www.comedycentral.com/videos/index.jhtml?videoId=176740

stocksystm said...

Housing price crashes typically take around 7 years to run their course. Since the peak of the bubble was 2005-2006, we likely won't hit bottom until 2012-2013. Given that this was the biggest mania in the history of the world, there is a lot of pain to come and the government can't do anything to stop it without impoverishing the lower to middle class citizens.

Anonymous said...

Keith,
Are you dead?

Anonymous said...

well my ass is hurting already and i have not suffered from anal penetration by my government yet. stay tuned. this hurting sensation usually appears earlier than the actual act, so i am guessing we shall have to drop our drawers and bend over , so that some rich money men can get richer off of you know who....of course this time, this bailout will destroy the bond market and destroy the dollar...but we americans need to continue to buy things we don't need by spending money we don't have, or else.....well since we are 70 percent of gnp, i would think we swing a mean stick....but why is it we seem to feel like we have no power.....? oh well.........this is the man with the hurting butt somewhere in texas and this is the best i can come up with, when they talk of another bubble....

Lost Cause said...

So what's the deal, Keith? Why no moderation or posts? You don't really have a life, do you?

Iminent Repossesion said...

You nade this up, right? I can't imagine anyone saying that before Congress.

Snap Up Real Estate said...

I agree. People need some false hope to get them through a summer of record fuel prices and record housing foreclosures.

Anonymous said...

Fininsh off Fannie & Freddie- WSJ

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB121617444333956835.html

Anonymous said...

Gold is the next bubble!

Anonymous said...

I used to love Bubblicious chewing gum when I was a kid.

Anonymous said...

Insane Dubai Architecture Bubble:

http://www.dubai-architecture.info/DUB-GAL1.htm

Amazing photo journal.

Have a look.

FMW

Anonymous said...

Maybe Keith broke out in hives since Obama is in Iraq.

Anonymous said...

Some can still afford a nice house.
http://tinyurl.com/637wq8

Anonymous said...

Comedy, right? Just too funny to be factual, must be fiction....

formosan80 said...

This story is scary. I moonlight as a commodities trader between the Americas and East Asia. The price of most raw materials has doubled in the past year or, in some cases, since the end of spring. Gas is not the only thing going through the roof. Fertilizers, iron ore... etc, are all going to the moon. Most of my suppliers have sold out this year and the others are booked two years out. Wait until these price rises are pass onto the consumer. For example, Urea used to be $360/mt in 2007 and at the beginning of the year it rose to $450/mt, but contracts for later this year are going for over $700/mt. Now part of this is due to the rise in Natural Gas prices (a main componet of Urea). But this is our farmers' source of Nitrogen. You think they'll be able to keep up crop production demands without fertilizer? The consumer will have to eat the cost.

Tom said...

Oil Bubble! Commodities Bubble!

republicans are con artists said...

This is not like you Keith to be gone this long. \

Did you get mugged by the Bush* or McCain* regime?

*(The world's largest and reckless terrorist organization) still on their last run...

Anonymous said...

The problem is, no one wants to invest in the next big bubble. Calling for it won't bring it into being. The bubble days are over!

Anonymous said...

Hey,

What's happening? How come no new posts? Is Keith OK?

edd said...

Con Game/Wall Street:
Obtaining money or property by
intentionally misrepresenting facts
to gain the victim's confidence.

Anonymous said...

Ulises Garcia said he was withdrawing cash from a Wachovia Bank and depositing it into a Bank of America so he could pay his bills online.

However, the Bank of America teller noticed something funny about 10 of the 36 $100 bills Garcia said he received from Wachovia Bank -- they were counterfeit, Local 6's Tony Pipitone reported.

However, the bank has not given Garcia or his fiancé, Joann Rodriguez, any money.

"We have big plans," Rodriguez said. "We were planning to get married in about two or three months."

"And this money's pretty important?" Pipitone asked.

"Very important," Rodrguez said. "It's a big part of our wedding."

"It is really frustrating for us," Garcia said. "The bank is not doing anything about it. (It's) just not giving us any solutions at all."

A Wachovia representative said it will not refund any money because it can't verify the $1,000 in counterfeit notes were the same bills Garcia was handed by their teller.

But weeks later, Wachovia did refund $40 to another customer with a similar story, Local 6 has learned.

Garcia said Wachovia is ripping him off and has alerted the sheriff's office, the Secret Service and the media.

"Ten (bills) in one transaction to come from one bank, that is definitely unusual," U.S. Secret Service representative Jim Glendinning said.

"But is it possible?" Pipitone asked.

"Remotely, yes it is," Glendinning said.

Glendinning said he was not surprised the Bank of America caught the counterfeits but wondered how a Wachovia could pass the bills unless a bank employee was in on it, Pipitone reported.

Brandy said...

How about manufacturing and agriculture? One of the greatest strengths of this nation is/was manufacturing and our industrial base.
It would be nice to see those become strong again.

Bubble Doc said...

What we need is an alternative energy bubble that doesn't pop due to no restrictive regulations of any kind preventing it from ever popping, but continuing realized implementation of product and profitable returns. Essentially the oil companies need to be put out of business instead of trying to appear as alternative saviors. This should, eventually in 10+ years at least represent to the US and mankind no suffering as results will have occurred by then.

Perhaps the only thing to save the American Republic.

Anonymous said...

Well, looks like the rubber stamp democratic congress is going to pass the housing gambler bill!

And Bush is going to vote for it now!

It can't get much worse. What a disaster!

We all b pay'n for the hous'n gambler now! Hyuff!

edd said...

SF Business Times:
"The FDIC plans to pay closer attention to the blogosphere
in the future."

Anonymous said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wy6SlUpbnIU

Anonymous said...

?? Have you been bumped off ?

Anonymous said...

HOUSING BUBBLE PURE EVIL!!

woman kills herself over foreclosure

http://www.boston.com/news/local/breaking_news/2008/07/facing_foreclos.html in Boston.

Mike Hunt said...

As Mentioned by President Bush:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z_FDRjluLJQ

Wall Street: "He's got drunk and now it's got a hangover"

-Mike

Bob Sullivan said...

Sneaky fee alert: Agents ding home buyersPosted: Friday, July 11 at 05:00 am CT by Bob Sullivan
Traditionally, buying a home has been "free," at least with regard to real estate agents. Sellers pay steep commissions -- usually around 6 percent – which are split with the shoppers’ agent. That allows home buyers to focus their energy on hunting for hidden fees from their mortgage provider.

But a disturbing trend that has emerged recently threatens this tidy arrangement. Some buyers' agents are now slipping junk fees into their contracts. Usually labeled "administrative fees," they range from $195 to $500. While their legality is in dispute, they have become commonplace. Virginia real estate broker Frank Llosa, who exposes real estate agent tricks on his blog "FranklyRealty," says perhaps 40 percent of buyer contracts now have administrative fees tucked inside.

Anonymous said...

Stocksystem said: "Housing price crashes typically take around 7 years to run their course. Since the peak of the bubble was 2005-2006, we likely won't hit bottom until 2012-2013. Given that this was the biggest mania in the history of the world, there is a lot of pain to come".


I agree with you stocksystem, however this RE boom continued twice as long as a normal Re cycle. This bottoming of prices could take an additional 5 years to happen.

Or, it could be fast and furious...