What advice would you give REALTORS today?
June 05, 2008
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A time capsule of the greatest financial mania in the history of mankind, told in real-time by regular folks and patriots. May future generations better understand the madness of crowds, and how power and money corrupt.
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62 comments:
Get real a job ASAP
Use all of that 6% money that they got and go get some 2 year or less training for a productive job - like Emergency Medical Technologist, fireman, auto mechanic, x-ray technician...
Put "was in coma" on your resume to explain the last few years and get a real job doing something useful.
cutting your wrists is faster than hanging
Go to confession
(1) Get in the business of selling seminars about selling real estate, without actually having to sell any. See John Reed's Guru Rating page for further information/details on finding a mentor. Unfortunately a lot of the informative pages that once existed about Russ Whitney, on his illegitimate child/ren (not sure which applies, but one does) and his felony conviction were taken down once Reed and Whitney settled their mutual lawsuits, but most of the goodies about Whitney's chicanery as a real estate guru is still up for you to model. I particularly like the business of setting seminar room tempearture to somewhere in the low 60 degree range. Gotta keep the marks awake.
(2) Make pretend you're some sort of Realtor 2.0, not at all like those other guys. Set up a bitchin website and blog,make the occasional snippy comment about NAR and other local Realtor groups, post about how kewl your for sale signs are compared to those other dudes. Not clear to me how you make any money doing this, unless its by, errm, doing seminars for other realtors looking to become a Realtor 2.0. But people are doing it, so maybe they see something I don't. Maybe you won't need a deep freeze to keep everybody awake, but it probably couldn't hurt.
(3) Do an honest assessment of your local market conditions and if you feel you're not in an area that's gone too bubblicious, sit tight, grit your teeth and hope for the best. You might still be able to make a few bucks for a while, but realize you need to ratchet down your aspirations for new SUVs or boob jobs. Note that I hold little hope for this strategy, what with the prime requirement being an "honest assessment" and a ratcheting down of "gimme more" consumpstion. And if you're in any of the following areas I see no way this applies to you: AZ, CA, metro-DC (meaning MD/VA surrounding it), MA, RI, CT, FL, probably NH, most of NY. Probably some other metropolitan areas like Atlanta, Denver and Austin. Oh, and any place within thirty miles of a casino in Nevada.
(4) Possibly look for niche like somehow helping banks unload their properties, preferably on some sort fee not commission basis. I honestly have absolutely no idea how this would work, or even if it can, since it would mean giving up 6%'er status. (Can a Realtor even do this? Would it be considered, giggle, snort "unethical?")
All I can come up with, at least that fall into the "keep it clean" category. And I think I covered get the hell out, now as item (3).
Quit whining about the chicken Ramen.
There's three other flavors, shrimp beef and pork.
Stop watching TV shows about housing, internet selling and get rich quick late night infomercials. Stop ordering Trump books and videos. Stop with the frosted highlights (guys please). Move away from Phoenix. Delete "Swann" from your browser’s favorite’s folder. Burn your bible "The Secret" and for f*#s sake don’t buy "The Opus". Stop reading and watching motivational material, just stop. Stop thinking you’re a professional like a doctor or lawyer or engineer or nurse or ……
Wake up tomorrow and do something that’s not for your self. It’s a start. Then think about what you’re going to do with your life now that you’ve taken one small step down the road to not being a douche.
1) See if they can get a job at McDonald's.
2) Try to understand that it's over.
Sell insurance. Another useless "profession" inhabited by uneducated drifters.
I flew to Oregon recently and was pleased to find out that the lady who drives the bus around the airport parking lot is a REALTOR! I made simple polite chat since I was the only one in the rainy parking lot at 5 in the morning and she talked about the RE market coming back and how someday she would be able to quit her bus driving job, which is temporary. I didn't have the heart to tell her, just nodded and smiled, and thought of HP...
JDF
Buyers already know that you are all keeping prices high to get your ‘for nothing’ middleman fee.
Sellers used to think that they can sell for higher prices and in a shorter time frame with the help of a realtor.
But sellers are now finding that being in a contract with a realtor is a pain in the bu**
It actually takes longer to sell and the price goes down in the end anyway plus a cost of 6% on the sale.
If a seller offers the 6% back to the buyer it may be a good incentive (so long that the asking price reflects the real value of the property) to lure buyers, and to hell with the greedy middleman.
Please just shut up and go away.
Army! Navy! Air Force, Marines! Pick a service! Pick a challenge....
.
Quit the Bulls**t
Quit the lying
Your not worth 6%
The house sells itself
Have photos of yourself from this century
Especially ones that don't make you look like a cheap whore
Your not rock stars or royalty
.
cutting your wrists is faster than hanging gets my vote!
Well thought out anon!
Looks like the MSM is reading HP
http://tinyurl.com/3h7w36
The McJobs program is hiring, but be forewarned, they will expect you to work.
When you do a price analysis - cut your suggested sale price by 40-50% from the comps so you can get your commission and eat again. You got to screw the buyers going up - now you can screw the sellers on the way down - you still get your 6% even if they have to do a short sale.
You're supposed to "suck" not "blow".
Warm bath, Pink Floyd in the background, open veins.
Burger King is hiring
Donald's advice to realtwhores/ real estate clerks:
1. Lower your commission
2. Lower your commission
3. Lower your commission
4. Did I mention lower your commission? I think I did.
And my bonus piece of advice for realtwhores is to join the military. I ehard there is a huge housing bubble forming in Baghdad. And after the Baghdad bubble pops, you can move on to the Tehran bubble.
What advice would you give REALTORS today?
________
That's easy! If you wanna eat, get a real job, you lazy #$@%!
I wish the NAR would stop calling their agents "professionals". A one week class does not make one a "professional". A burger flipper gets more then one week of training.
House prices should be based on 1998 comps, adjusted for inflation.
If a buyer makes an offer based on this formula, it is not an "insult". The buyer is not trying to "steal" the house. The buyer is offering to pay a very large sum of money to buy the house, in most cases far more than the seller originally paid.
Who gives a damn about REALTORS(tm) the real criminals are getting away with the crime of the century because the general population is too asleep to pay attention and understand that 9/11 was an inside job.
Look, I was cynical about this 9/11 stuff when I first started looking into it too but it's impossible to deny the evidence.
I challenge ALL OF YOU to just watch this video and then tell me what you think. Let's argue about it if you want. I don't care what you do but at least watch the damn video!!
911 Mysteries
Great comments from the peanut gallery. Tis better to remain silent and considered a fool than to open ones mouth and prove it.
6% ???? Where have you been, rather what are you smoking/shooting? Try 1%!
A one week course? Try 6 months with a one week orientation course followed by annual weekly courses and the threat of being sued on every deal.
Donald? Isn’t that a ducks name?
Fall on your knees and beg forgiveness for your thievery!
Make amends to all you have robbed by paying them the 6% you stole!
Get an honest job which actually produces something of value or serves the greater good.
Expect no mercy until you learn to live the truth and speak the truth in all you do.
Do this and perhaps the public will not brand your forehead with a capital R in blue.
Samantha
A burger flipper gets more then one week of training.
=========
How much training did you get Mr. Illiterate? If any of you reading this are confused, don't worry about it.
Add black pepper to the ramen to make it taste better.
You can usually snag some for free at most fast food joints outside of 'urban' areas(for now anyway).
Leeching off others never works long term.
(Q) There is a Real Estate Investor, a Realtor and a Lawyer. And you have a gun with two bullets...Which should you shoot?
(A) You should shoot the realtor twice... Just to be sure.
1. Keep my water glass full.
2. Don't recommend specials you haven't actually tasted.
3. Keep your chin up as you're now in an honorable profession.
you can always take a bath with yer toaster!
BTW....i hear spam spices up a pot of top ramen....
McDonalds and UPS are hiring.
Giving knob jobs is more profitable than turning knobs!!!
My advice to the Realtors{tm}?
1. You were right all along. Housing never goes down. When it DOES go down, it's only a market aberration that must correct ASAP. Surely you can wait out a tiny adjustment period, right? If it's not this month, it'll be next month. If you need to make up a temporary weakness in your cash flow in the interim, just take out a cash advance from one of your many credit cards. Real people have credit, not like those renter losers.
2. Naysayers like those moron "bubble" bloggers are the real problem. Point out their idiocy as often as possible. Use liberal exposures of their loser websites (meaning full addresses) to show how demented these Communists really are. The naysayers are making the banks clog up their credit process. Crybabies! They MUST be stopped!
3. Buy more houses. Note you have an edge over your clients, in that you can see prices going down temporarily ... which means you know it's a buyer's market before they do! Housing is the ultimate investment, right? End up even richer than your clients. Clients love rich Realtors{tm} too.
FYI brokersleaveyoubroke;
for one, it isn't a one week class. AND YES, we are professionals. Maybe when you pass the "PSI" exam one day, then you'll understand. idiot!
Take a long walk off a short pier, as my dad used to say.
Suicide can be an honorable death if done with care.
Wait for Ed MacMahon to deliver your Publisheres Clearinghouse mega check - oops scratch that, Ed the drunken irishman an his young current 'wife'are also in foreclosure preparing no doubt for BK...
Justice and Punishment for the Guilty...
1. Petition the Top Ramen company for more soup flavors.
2. Tell the stupid buyers you represent that IT'S ONLY PAINT! Deciding not to buy a house because you don't like the color of the paint is SO f'n stupid.
Per Unit Pricing matters! So when you go and pay 16 cents for your package of ramen, keep in mind: you probably could be paying 10 cents.
ramen noodles cost less when purchased 10 at a time and when on sale. try ramen tar-tar, ramen under ground glass with limp noodle sauce, and for a crunchy treat, try dry ramen noodles, and save a bundle on the water and cooking gas bill!
FSBBO is all the rage these days, don't cha know?
-Chef Ramen
Save a leech, feed a reator
Ed McMahon explains his mortgage mess
Story Highlights
Ed McMahon in danger of foreclosure on his multimillion dollar home
Home has been on market for two years with no offers, McMahon tells Larry King
McMahon blames bad economy, broken neck for difficulty making payments
TV legend says he wants to speak for all who are in danger of losing homes
(CNN) -- The nation's foreclosure crisis threatened a high-profile victim this week: TV legend Ed McMahon, best known as Johnny Carson's sidekick on "The Tonight Show."
The Wall Street Journal reported Tuesday that McMahon was $644,000 in arrears on a $4.8 million loan for a home in Beverly Hills, California, and his lender had filed a notice of default.
McMahon and his wife, Pam, appeared on CNN's "Larry King Live" on Thursday night to talk about their financial woes and other topics.
Some highlights:
Larry King: What did happen, Ed?
Ed McMahon: It's a combination, it's like a perfect storm. Economy problems. Selling the house right now is a tremendous operation .... We've had this house on the market for two years. We've shown it, I don't know how many, 50 organizations or people. Nobody has made an offer. I mean, it's just a lovely home. I hate to leave it. I want to keep the home. I want this all to work out. Watch McMahon tell King what went wrong »
King: And the payments, you can't make -- what's the problem?
Ed McMahon: Well, if you spend more money than you make, you know what happens. And it can happen. You know, a couple of divorces thrown in, a few things like that. And, you know, things happen. You want everything to be perfect, but that combination of the economy, I have a little injury, I have a situation. And it all came together.
King: Did you break your neck?
Ed McMahon: I broke my neck. I had a fall. ...
King: Has that stopped you from working?
Ed McMahon: Oh, sure. You know, you can't work with this [brace] around your neck. And I have to wear this.
King: But, Pam, the assumption is that the McMahons are multimillionaires and multimillionaires -- how much behind are you, $644,000, right? That's what's reported? ... If you're a millionaire, shouldn't you be able to pay $644,000?
Pam McMahon: I think over the years, you know, it's just a kind of a combination of maybe Ed working so hard and not kind of looking at proper management, which happens a lot. ... Because you're a celebrity, people think you have a lot more than you have. And you always want to take great care of all of your friends and your family and everybody, and you do. And you don't, and I think, you know, we didn't keep our eye on the ball. We made mistakes.
King: And are they foreclosing?
Pam McMahon: Yes, they are. ...
King: So you will lose this home?
Ed McMahon: It's possible, yes. But now, I'll tell you what's happened, oddly enough. Today, all kinds of wonderful things have happened. New things have happened. And new interest in this house. Where the house had no interest, now there's all kinds of, tons of interest. So who knows what's going to happen. I'm optimistic. ...
King: Ed, why have you gone public?
Ed McMahon: Well, I figured I wanted to, in a sense, speak for the million people you mentioned [facing foreclosure]. I heard that figure today and I just couldn't believe it. Anyway, the million people that now have foreclosure signs on their house, or nearby. And I just want to give them hope, give them optimism, give them some kind of guidance. Get the best corrective people you need around you. Keep working on it. Don't stop. There's a lot of people that are hard workers, did everything right, didn't do anything wrong, and all of a sudden, they're in this boat. And I speak for all of them, as far as I'm concerned.
RE: What advice would you give REALTORS today?
"Get a real job you freaking parasite on the neck of society."
"...because the general population is too asleep to pay attention and understand that 9/11 was an inside job."
And I'm the idiot around here???? You say that the housing market in your area is not that bad, and your a m0ron. You say that Bush knocked down the WTC, which he is not smart enough to do, even Bill Maher, a super liberal who hates Bush pointed this when 9/11 hecklers interrupted his show, and your a honorary member of the HP hall of fame.
"House prices should be based on 1998 comps, adjusted for inflation.
If a buyer makes an offer based on this formula, it is not an "insult". The buyer is not trying to "steal" the house. The buyer is offering to pay a very large sum of money to buy the house, in most cases far more than the seller originally paid."
But according to you HPers, the government is lying about the inflation rate and it is really in the double digits. Well, I agree with HP, so I want the 1998 price of my house adjusted for a 10% annual inflation rate.
Spice up your Ramen with squirrel meat. It's plentiful and it's free after all.
http://www.unexco.com/trapsquirrels.html
I'd tell the realtors to close up shop. Do something ELSE for a living.
For the idiots posting 9/11 crap, STOP. This is a real estate blog, post your nonsense elsewhere.
* Don't nibble on the barrel of the gun; put it all the way in your mouth before you pull the trigger.
* If you simply must use a shotgun then load it with #7 or similar. You don't want to use 00 and have the shot punch through the drywall and hit your wife in the other room while she's giving the meter reader a blow job.
As we used to say on FC, "Kill yourself and f--- the body."
Lower the price!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My advice would be to not make future predictions of value to borrowers and
screen for income and only take them to houses they can afford .
You real estate commissioned sales people cannot change what you
did. You did wrong and you know it .
You sold dumb people into a real estate investment scheme when you knew they could not afford the home .
You deserve what you get and you need to get some morals . You need to learn that if you screw your fellow man or women it will come back at
you and hit you in the face .
I get the feeling the same guy posted 54 times, or there are some sick people commenting on this board.
Realtors have no power over you. None. They do not make prices go up. They do not make prices go down.
Learn some basic economics. Take an anger management course.
And if you're still not cured after all that, try your cardboard box under the bridge yourself. Nobody is forcing anybody to use a realtor.
Advice to realtors: Buy some Vasoline, KY, or AstroGlide and apply it liberally to your rectal orifice. If karma really works, you should be getting the reaming of your life in the next few months or years. Hopefully you will become the pariahs of your communities that you so richly deserve to be. Realtors the world over are scum, pure and simple.
Disbar Greg Swann
My advice for realtors.
(1) Get a new job. With the best case scenario, this job might be very much like the job you had before the bubble. In the worst case, if you have no skills (be honest with yourself), you might have to be a stripper or male escort. It's still better than eating Ramen.
(2) Undercut. Who says you have to charge six percent? Maybe you should charge five percent or even less. If you undercut, listings will come, and buyers can sell for lower prices. One percent of something is still better than six percent of nothing. It's also better than Ramen.
(3) Buy lots of Ramen now, or get priced out forever. If you don't want to do (1) or (2).
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