April 29, 2008

What do you do when you made the biggest financial mistake of your life, closed on that Florida condo, and now you have no neighbors?



This article is so full of cliches I figure I'll just let you guys at it. Funny captions get bonus points....

Where's the wine and cheese everyone?
For that matter, where IS everyone?
I paid what?
Come here doll - I want to show you my granite countertops, and my checkbook.

66 comments:

Anonymous said...

She's 22 and looks 40

Anonymous said...

"You can't help but think they'd fit perfectly into the social network of this condo tower, if one existed.

"We'd really like to meet some couples," Amanda says, "but there's nobody here to meet.""

More people who tried to buy friends like they do in their Frats and Sororities

Anonymous said...

The ONE thing that WILL depreciate FASTER than his condo, is that blonde bimbo.

Anonymous said...

He'll want to foreclose on her soon too, can't afford the maintenance

Anonymous said...

They'll be moving to Scottsdale soon

Anonymous said...

The dumbest guy in Tampa

DOPES said...

JUMP!!!

JUMP!!!

JUMP DOWN!!!

DOPES!!!

Anonymous said...

She'll dump his ass in a split second when the dough runs out

Lady Di said...

Too funny! I love the concrete piece thrown down the trash chute to clear it out. Classy!

At least he seems to have found some humor in his trainwreck of a financial decision.

P.S. Dump the stripper. That is the real financial drain.

Where's the wine and cheese everyone? said...

Where's the wine and cheese everyone?

The whine is the douche on the left.

The cheese is the douche on the right.

You're WELCOME.

BubbleGirl said...

Everything that is wrong with America today - that couple.

Frank@Scottsdale-Sucks.com said...

That's funny. It looks like the condo we rented at Kierland my last year in Arizona ... we moved in during summer and assumed they were all vacant because they were owned by snowbirds. Then winter came and nobody showed up ... still vacant. Oh well.

Frank@Scottsdale-Sucks.com said...

Whoa, he's 39 and she's 22? Damn, I'm only 35 and I won't give the time of day to a woman under 30 due to their immaturity and selfishness. I guess she has a daddy complex and he needs the lost little girl routine to make him feel powerful.

Typical condo option-arm couple for you.

Anonymous said...

nomarriage.com comes to life

Anonymous said...

He couldn't get 50% of what he paid for the condo (or the girl)

Anonymous said...

Is that a granite countertop, or is that her face?

mairca izda debol said...

She looks more like 32 than 22. Stay out of the sun and lighten up on those meals.

What kind of pathetic 39 year old dates a college girl? Is he having a midlife crisis? He's wearing the typical loser poseur clothes too. Act your age. You have three kids.

Whirlybird said...

> Whoa, he's 39 and she's 22? Damn, I'm only 35 and I won't give the time of day to a woman under 30 due to their immaturity and selfishness.


Frank, you're simply priceless! :)
Thanks for the lols.

"Their immaturity and selfishness" = waaaaah! They're not looking at me!!!!!

Anonymous said...

HELLOOOOOOOO WHEREEEEE ISSSSS EVERYYYYYBODYYYYYYYY????

Echo: HELLOOOOOOOO WHEREEEEE ISSSSS EVERYYYYYBODYYYYYYYY????)

AZDavidPhx said...

This guy looks exactly like every other guy roaming around Old-Town Scottsdale on a Friday/Saturday night.

Crusty hair, club shirt (untucked for ultra coolness), flirting with the cocktail waitress.

She'll be gone once he is done paying her rent and school.

Anonymous said...

1. Bought the condo to impress girls

2. Got the golddigger

3. Is more miserable than he ever thought possible

JerseyGirl said...

She was in a "red party dress" and he bought her a stuffed buffalo head for Christmas?

I had to check twice that this wasn't from The Onion. Funny enough, it wasn't.

Malcolm said...

actually, that's not bad.

Neighbors are highly overrated

Anonymous said...

one of the downsides of living in an apartment is the neighbors all around you. this would be the ideal situation for me. condo living without neighbors. who could ask for anything more?

Anonymous said...

"Whoa, he's 39 and she's 22? Damn, I'm only 35 and I won't give the time of day to a woman under 30 due to their immaturity and selfishness."

Dude come on. He's not looking for someone to have deep conversations with.

very concerned said...

and this isn't satire?

extremely enjoyable.

Anonymous said...

"Dear why is the home owners association fee going up to $343,000 every month"

Anonymous said...

HIM: Leverage her A$$-ets to boost revenue to paydown the MORTgage staving off a negative equity position.

HER: Dump him before he is broke and asks you to leverage your A$$-ets to keep you both above water financially. Because if you don't then you will not get paid.

Anonymous said...

"He's not looking for someone to have deep conversations with"

You don't mean deep throat?

Anonymous said...

She is 22 and looks like a 40 year old trying to look 22. Maybe she should ease up on the sun tanning?

BMW driving sex machine said...

Anonymous said...
She's 22 and looks 40


Too much sun and years of clubing/bed hoping around south beach will do that to a woman.

Anonymous said...

As soon as the camera pans away, she says " Look Honey do you see that down there?

He leans over to have a look and ""WHACK!!!

She gives him a swift kick in the a$$.
She promptly puts a banana peel on the floor and picks up a nearby phone and does a Carmen Electra slasher movie impersonation screaming hysterically!

"My husband slipped and fell 40 stories. I hope you hurry and I will go ahead and call his life insurance company!"

No witnesses reported.

Anonymous said...

He took it up the rear while she takes it ... ... ....

Anonymous said...

Anonymous said...
As soon as the camera pans away, she says " Look Honey do you see that down there?

He leans over to have a look and ""WHACK!!!

She gives him a swift kick in the a$$.
She promptly puts a banana peel on the floor and picks up a nearby phone and does a Carmen Electra slasher movie impersonation screaming hysterically!

"My husband slipped and fell 40 stories. I hope you hurry and I will go ahead and call his life insurance company!"

No witnesses reported.

April 29, 2008 10:53 PM
----------
No there is a perk for not having neighbors. I'd say priceless but obviously its at least worth the value of the death benefit of the life insurance policy she has on him!!

Anonymous said...

Once you reconciled yourself to the fact that you took a huge beating, that would be awesome! Riding your big wheel around the empty hallways, just like The Shining! But not so cold out. I'd knock out the walls to the neighboring units.

"All interest and no principal makes Jack a poor boy All interest and no principal makes Jack a poor boy All interest and no principal makes Jack a poor boy"

Tom in Mpls

Roscoe said...

The condo has $495,000 in mortgages from Countrywide according to Hillsborough County records.

If you're buying property in Florida, make use of the online records. Every county is required to make this kind of data available.

Anonymous said...

No neighbors!!!!!


What a Dream!!!!!




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Relationship dead in 2 years said...

Man, 39 is just way to young to be living like your in a mid-life crisis.
About the only benefit I see from this is that the condo tower isn't filled with a bunch of other men who will be slobering over her at those wine & cheese parties or the redbull/vodka puke parties by the pool. At least he's got it easy when it comes to that.
But he better enjoy it while it lasts because within another year or two, she's leaving him with the "I going to move to south beach and find myself" line. And he deserves any pain it causes for thinking that would last. 22? Give me a break. She's trying to pretend she's in her 30's and knows what she wants. 2 years tops, she's gone. No matter how much money he has, she'll grow bored of playing step mom, and want to slut around south beach.

Anonymous said...

I think we should admit granite countertops do attract certain women like spinner rims attract others

Anonymous said...

Jump....Twice :-)

Agent 99 said...

Caption 1: Can I put my ARM around you?

Caption 2: I'm King of the World!!!

Observation: He looks like Austin Powers.

REICkilla said...

Sounds like Foens could have lived in Chicago's Cabrini-Green projects from his dumpster chute-clearing behavior:

During the worst years of Cabrini-Green's miseries, vandalism increased. Miscreants covered interior walls with graffiti and damaged doors, windows, and elevators. Many residents urinated in the hallways. There were rat and cockroach infestations, rotting garbage in trash chutes (once piled up to the 15th floor), as well as problems with basic utilities, such as frequently bursting pipes

wings said...

Woman: Will you be my daddy?

Dude: Sure, I'm 27. How old are you?

Woman: I'm 35 and hot.

Dude: Smootchie woochie hoochie. You're a chicken hawk, baby!

Woman: No.

Dude: A vixen? You're a wild little vixen?

Woman: No, I'm a blonde Americano Snapper turtle that needs a new nest.

Dude: Wanna move into my high-rise condo and be my mate?

Woman: Hell, no. I want wine, cheese, romance and sugar daddy neighbors. This place is vacant.
I'm outta here!

Dude: Whaaaaa!

Larura'sBUSH said...

SWINGERS with no one to SWING with!!

Such a bummer

Anonymous said...

Shytttt....that skeezer is already looking for Jose', the Cabana Boy....she is yelling up to the condo..."Honey, can you make us some sandwhiches"?!?! We're BUSHED!!

Ahhhh...Life in Swingerville...

Edgar Alpo said...

I wouldn't give those two dweebs a bandaid, cream of tartar, or anything else for that matter. If my condo is rocking don't come a knocking. Loosers!(tm)

Anonymous said...

"Honey, do you hear a faucet running?"

Anonymous said...

"Sure, it's quiet, but our share of the HOA fee is $36,500.00 per month."

Anonymous said...

Check out her Myspace listing for full body shot--have to admit, her bod is hot.

Anonymous said...

The Blog http://ushousingcrash.blogspot.com/ has a video called "Shiller Cartoon" from Yahoo video - This sums up what the buuble means to me.

Anonymous said...

Google Amanda Jasin. She has a Facebook account. Have fun.

mairca izda debol said...

Condos are convenient when the FB's need to jump

Anonymous said...

This article is actually a puff piece. Salty breezes, cruise ships, majestic skylines, pulsating life outside the balcony ... It ain't nearly that grand. Try a dirty port view and a Hooters across the street.

From my office, I look directly at those desolate towers of stupidity - completely dark every night except for the five vacant units for which the balcony lights are left on 24/7 to create that "lived in" look.

Nobody's home but Muffy and the screen salesman.

Frank@Scottsdale-Sucks.com said...

"Dude come on. He's not looking for someone to have deep conversations with."

Yeah but seriously, if you want a 22 year old you go to a club and you bang her and kick her out in the morning. You don't let one move in and SUPPORT her sorry ass. Especially when she looks 40 and is chubby for her age. Check out those rolls under her arms. This dude needs to dump the condo and buy her a gym membership.

Anonymous said...

no way is she 22. she has him fooled.

HallUrinator said...

Look at her Facebook "Friends." One is a big tall black dude. You can't even see his face because of the height. The other guys are those greasy Persian wannabe rich club poseur types you see all over Florida. This little ho has been run around the block several times over.

tater said...

That dude looks like the dweeb on the movie, "Ghostbusters". You know, the one that lives in the condo across the hallway from Sigourney Weaver, and turns into one of Satan's demons.

I think that the blonde bimbo will have plenty of people to talk with. She can just go out into the hallway and yell, "hellooooo", and the hallway will echo, "Helloooo, hellooo, helloo". The blonde bimbo will run back in and say, "Honey, get the wine and cheese; we have three new neighbors that just said hello to me.

Also, notice the stainless steel microwave in that one picture. That, in itself, is worth the $50,000 for the monthly maintenance fee.

happy homeowner in the stix said...

Look on the bright side. At least he's got to be on good terms with the HOA.

I mean, he is the HOA, right?

I cheated, but still want $$$ said...

I bet he drives a porsche as well. This loser better pray that he can keep up with her spending habits, cause she will be out the door in a NY minute if his bankroll dries up.
Who wants to bet she's no longer working and he's paying for her school?
And god only knows what she does when he goes out of town on business. "Girls nights outs" that involve dry humping guys on the dancefloor and then inviting the choosen one back to the condo and bang her on top of the granite counter tops. Florida is full of these trainwreck women.

Anonymous said...

.


I actually was hangin with a 23 yr old when I was 44....





Only problem was , she was 23!



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Anonymous said...

I assume the developer is currently bearing the insurance and maintenance costs of the other vacant lots. When this expires, this Tampa couple is going to look like "suckers". Most likely the bank will then take over and auction the off the units at deeper discount.

Anonymous said...

The only thing deep about that bag is how deep she wanted to take if from the neighbors...who all defaulted.

Jerkstore said...

She must love those kickball games with his three kids.

Anonymous said...

Riding your big wheel around the empty hallways, just like The Shining! But not so cold out. I'd knock out the walls to the neighboring units.

"All interest and no principal makes Jack a poor boy
All interest and no principal makes Jack a poor boy
All interest and no principal makes Jack a poor boy"

Tom in Mpls


RED RUM!!!!
RED RUM!!!!
RED RUM!!!!

Anonymous said...

.

Amanda's actually very nice....but he's a Douche bag!


.

Anonymous said...

Are you kidding!

Young babe....'just turned' 22, with
a divorced tool with 3 kids!

Does she realize what shes doing!

Does he realize that his condo is going to be much lonelier and quiet when she wakes up and takes off!



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