January 29, 2008

Will the housing crash and mortgage meltdown have singles rethinking what they're looking for in a boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife?


Pre-housing crash:

Women: Fell easy for Mr. Maxed-Out Credit Cards, who leased a Mercedes, "bought" a McMansion or "penthouse condo" with a no-down, no-doc, negative-am, interest-only toxic loan, and who she thought had a wildly successful and stable career as a mortgage broker or realtor

Men: Thought single women buying homes was kinda cool and showed financial independence, and had enough cash-out refi loot that she could pay for dinners and vacations too. Never thought to ask how she came up with the money to live in a place like that, and didn't mind having a realtor girlfriend who used to be a stripper.

Post-housing crash:

Women: Interested in guys with no debt, a solid financial portfolio, a 30-year fixed on a home he can afford, and a career having NOTHING to do with real estate. Won't even look at a guy who says he's a realtor, mortgage banker, real estate investor or home flipper. And thinks a good solid education, good morals and respected career are all much sexier than a new leased car.

Men: Won't even consider dating a girl who is upside down on a condo, has an ARM, or is a realtor. And now, after the STD test the most important thing is the credit report.

___________

And for an interesting read on how species adapt their mate preferences based on changing environments, read this intesting piece... Only on HP do you get this stuff, eh?

63 comments:

Anonymous said...

Yeah, it will definitely change people's perceptions of what is valuable in life. It's not just the housing crash though. The housing crash will drag us into a deep recession (depression) - I don't see how anybody can doubt that now.

In recessions massive financial strains are put on the entire middle and lower classes not just those connected to housing. I've already seen many couples splitting and relationships deteriorating due to credit problems in the last year. Recessions flush out weak relationships in the same way that they flush out weak businesses.

And things are set to get a whole lot worse!

jorghis said...

Dont kid yourself, women always have and always will be attracted to guys who show off wealth. This does not mean the guy who has a nice portfolio and no debt, this means the guy who drives a mercedes and buys her a 200 dollar dinner. This wont ever change no matter what direction the economy moves.

Brian said...

I'm sorry, lady. But as Warren Buffet says, when the tide goes out you see who is swimming naked.

And the rapidly receding tide of easy credit has unfortunately revealed to me the swollen buttocks that is your credit card debt; the unflattering spare tire that is your option ARM; the double chin that is your leased Beemer.

I guess I'm just inta gals that are fiscally fit.

Brian

Uncle Sam's Cabin said...

Yes! Women will throw themselves at men who are careful about how they spend their money. They will seek authenticity and thrift in their mates. Fancy cars and fine restaurants will be replaced with picnic lunches and paid-off, subcompact hybrids.

And we will ice skate in joy around the rinks of hell.

Frank@Scottsdale-Sucks.com said...

So basically, what you're saying is Scottsdale and Vegas guys will never get a date again. Until the next bubble, that is.

I agree with jorghis though that most American women of this generation are too stupid and easily impressed by material wealth ... they'll continue to get suckered by the $30k millionaire driving the 5-year lease BMW.

Either way you look at it, a golddigger is a golddigger. Whether a woman wants a guy with a Mercedes, or a guy with great credit and no debt, she only cares about money at the core and doesn't date out of love or attraction. The girl who wants a guy with a good career, no debt, education, etc., may seem "better" than the Scottsdale chick who only dates guys with Porsches but at the end of the day they're the same.

Anonymous said...

Women can support themselves these days . You people are acting like the only option a women has in life is to get a dude with money .

The problem with a potential partner with a lot of debt is that they can take their partner down with them . The spending patterns of a potential mate is a concern for both sexes .

Some women are just looking for the gold ,but I think the majority are looking for a partner that will make a good marriage partner . How do you explain that so many women marry just normal run of the mill guys .

Why would anybody worry about people in debt these days anyways because they are all walking from their debt ?

I'm Rick James, beyatch! said...

Now, listen hear -

My woMAN of 6 years (engaged), suddenly wants to finalize the deal and get hitched.

Only because I 'ffed up and let drop what sort of percenteages I've been making by combining HPer's mass wisdom with general econoMIC theory.

Damn the judge that ever let 401K's ever become part of a divorce settlement!! Where's a "Time Hater" when you need one? Charley Murphy, you there?

On the other hand, she'd be wanting to get married tomorrow if she knew what my 401 K was actually worth. Not that's it worth that much, but anything above 50K, and beyatches start sharpening their talons.

All I know is, she better back off, because I'm Rick James, beyatch!

some guy said...

I worked with a guy that ran a credit check on his fiance (with her approval of course) before he married her back in the early 90's. He lives well within his means and they are still happily married more than 15 years later.

I think that it's a good idea too. And not just for men but for women also. Your future spouse should be an asset in your life...not a financial liability.

Women will still however want the "Cinderella Story" where her prince (Dr., Lawyer etc.) comes calling. Many are now in their 30's and still waiting. Sadly, I think that they set their financial expectations of their male counterpart abnormally high...more so if she already holds a professional position.

On the flipside, men expect too much in the looks department and most seem to want a "hottie" and are not immune to being gold-diggers themselves.

Frank@Scottsdale-Sucks.com said...

Women can support themselves these days . You people are acting like the only option a women has in life is to get a dude with money .

Women are capable of supporting themselves but many - especially GenX/GenY'ers raised on the MTV "bling" propaganda - don't WANT to support themselves when marrying for money is so much easier than working for a living.

Anonymous said...

Unfortunately, all the women who qualify for the Post-Crash Housing group are butt-ugly.

theloknesmonster said...

Some Guy at 8:22am said it all. Both genders are at fault and materialistic in their own ways.

Marriage is and always has been just another business partnership. You need to hash out all the really important details before signing on the dotted line.

Anonymous said...

Must read The Millionaire Next Door and think it describes her.

Reality Hurts said...

Go to www.nomarriage.com.

Tell me what you read is not the case.

Ladies, you have short shelf-life. Use it or lose it and do not forget to bring your D & B on the first date...

Who needs a closet full of shoes and crippling debt legacy for a partner when sex is a phone call away?

Think about it.

Anonymous said...

Dont kid yourself, women always have and always will be attracted to guys who show off wealth. This does not mean the guy who has a nice portfolio and no debt, this means the guy who drives a mercedes and buys her a 200 dollar dinner. This wont ever change no matter what direction the economy moves.

I have to second this and add that men will be attracted to the chick with the nice rack, no matter how in debt she is.

Stuck in So Pa said...

Frank@Scottsdale-Sucks.com said...

.....Either way you look at it, a golddigger is a golddigger. Whether a woman wants a guy with a Mercedes, or a guy with great credit and no debt, she only cares about money at the core and doesn't date out of love or attraction.
===========================

Like their mothers always told them.

Its just as easy to love a rich man as a poor one!

minimum wage said...

And thinks a good solid education, good morals and respected career are all much sexier than a new leased car.

Good solid education...check.

Good morals...check.

Respected career...I guess a minimum wage job doesn't count. So much for good solid education and good morals!

Ed said...

Keith,

Will all due respect dude, you are so out there on this one.

Women will gravitate to guys with money. Guys will gravitate to women with looks. If you want to know how much money a man makes, just look at his wife/girlfriend. This is as true today as it was 100 years ago or 1000 years ago or 10,000 years ago when the caveman with the coolest shiny trinkets and pimpest cave drawing got the hottest cave chicks.

If you for a second think this will change because of a housing downturn, you're crazy.

I can just see the scenario now:

Drunk chick at the bar: So so you wanna go back to my place?

Dude: Well before we do I must ask for a copy of your credit report. And do you rent or own? And if you do own, do you have a conventional 30 year fixed with at least 20% down? And finally did you take out any helocs?

Yeah...that'll be the day.

Paul E. Math said...

I can't tell you how disappointed I am when a girl starts talking about her condo. And I get so psyched when a girl tells me she rents.

If a girl owns right now (in the Boston area) then it is clearly a bad sign. It means she didn't stop to look at the fundamentals and that's probably her typical behaviour. It also means that she'll be contantly boring me with a million boring ideas of how to fix it up or improve it and how they will all be 'smart' ways of increasing the value of her 'investment'. Seriously, I'm as stupid as the next guy and find it really tough to walk away from a girl who is really pretty but I would find it very difficult to be attracted to this kind of girl.

I long for the day when I meet a girl who tells me she's a bubble-sitter.

headhunter said...

As a single on the lookout my sole criteria is head capabilities, plain and simple.Seriously.

Anonymous said...

Long time HP’er, posting as an anon, ‘cause this post is sure to draw some flames.

I have always been disgusted by the shallow materialism of people – both men and women. When I hit 30, I figured there just wasn’t the right woman here for me.

Not long after the Soviet Union broke up, in 1992, I found an ad: “Meet Russian Women!” In those long-gone pre-Internet days, they mailed a brocure with pics & descriptions of dozens of Russian women.

I corresponded with a few (remember sending letters via the mail?) and finally found one woman who appeared to have similar values & interests. We wrote for 2½ years before I finally flew there to meet. We spent a week together, and seemed to have hit it off. That summer I spent more than 2 months over there, and we were married.

We have now been married for over 12 years, and despite the usual ups & downs of marriage, we are still very happy together. I can’t stress how important it is for couples to share the same values, likes & dislikes, and goals in life.

She comes from a poor, yet tight family, which has helped make her very financially prudent and family-oriented. She never pressed for a new car, lots of toys, or a McMansion, as she values financial security and retiring at a young age more than all the materialistic crap that is pushed upon the consumer every day.

Not sure if I would recommend a single guy going this route today, but if you do…
- Learn the language, at least a little
- Avoid women from Moscow and other large Russian cities
- Travel to the town where the woman lives. (Don’t just spend a week partying & screwing in Moscow, or whatever city you fly into.)
- BEWARE OF SCAMMERS! If she ever so much as asks you for a dime, you are dealing with a scammer.

Oh, and for anyone reading this who flames and says, “you married a foreigner because you couldn’t get laid here,” F*CK YOU! I dated and had some good times during my single days, but did not find a women here, who I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.

Too many women here either have the ‘gimme’ complex, only care about themselves, or are half-psycho.

Good luck if you’re brave enough to try this route!

ohhhyesss said...

"Why would anybody worry about people in debt these days anyways because they are all walking from their debt"

I suppose that this post forgot that, in the "modern era," both women and men are allowed to economically foolish; "Boring Ben's Blog" has many stories about "women at their limits" because of house debt!

BubbleGirl said...

Hey Paul E Math,

I'm a girl and a bubble sitter in the Boston area but I'm married. I've been preaching for years now on this housing mania and have not been too popular w/ friends and family because of it. Although, some siblings have now come around and they know i was right all along (one admires my balls for not buying despite the pressure from all around me). My husband and I have been renting and I have been disgusted with friends who bought into this bubble (boy do I have stories!).

I am a woman but I do have to agree there are a lot of very superficial, materialistic chicks out there, I've just never been one of them. I married my husband when he didn't have a pot to piss in and was an "out of status" immigrant in this country. I shocked my family with that one too. Seven years married, I guess i've proven them all wrong. I met my husband when he was doing menial, shitty work as a recent immigrant and now he is a Senior Software Developer and an American citizen. So there: I see potential, not dollar signs. I figured I should be able to take care of myself if I had to and in the end, a person's character is what matters, not material wealth. I felt that I would be able to survive on a deserted island with my husband because he had survival skills and instinct and work ethic, those were more important than anything.

MassBubbleGirl

detroit 2.0 said...

Full-time grad student here finishing in 6 months, renting, and living below my means which = no $ for dating. Living on the Dave Ramsey plan (minus the religious fundamentalism) does not lend well to dating.

Anonymous said...

Women will continue to look for fake losers and men will continue to look for big boobs. People are shallow creatures. At least animals go for the traits that will ensure survival of their offspring. Humans only care about their own desires and leave their offspring to fend for themselves.

the_truth_hurts said...

Women can support themselves these days . You people are acting like the only option a women has in life is to get a dude with money.

Ba ha ha...ha ha ha. Ha ha ha.

Oh my God, that's great. Where did you hear that one?

I know 2 women out of hundreds that support the household.

Most spend more than they make (and therefore contribute next to nothing to the household). Most quit their jobs (if at all possible) as soon as they as pregnant. I've yet to see one of them go back to work.

Women COULD support themselves. If they accepted the concept of working their entire lives and stopped spending. In reality, they don't!

Moreover, most women these days can't even cook a meal, do their taxes, or....much of anything.

Anonymous said...

Some women are just looking for the gold ,but I think the majority are looking for a partner that will make a good marriage partner .

I'm afraid you are wrong. Most women look for a challenge. They go after the losers and try to change them. It's like a game to them. That's why nice guys are always their friends. Bad boys are their lovers. If guys want to be popular with the women, they have to have the edge. I know it's shallow and flaky, but that's what women want. They see the nice guy with a good education as being too boring and easy. Ask any woman and they will admit it if they are honest. However, if you are looking for a divorced MILF, then play the nice guy part. After they are burned by the loser and figure out that people don't change, they start to look for a nice successful guy to take care of them and their bastard children because the loser won't pay child support.

Don't hate the playa, hate the game.

Anonymous said...

Seven years on, I've got a buddy who still thinks he can impress the girls by telling them he is a day trader.

So, nothing changes?

There's a sucker born every minute.

Anonymous said...

MassBubbleGirl, your husband's a lucky guy. Not too many ladies have your perspective.

Anonymous said...

To the person who'd met his wonderful, former Soviet bride... that ideal is rapidly fading away. True, during the 80s/90s, there were a lot of high quality Russian and even American/Soviet or Anglo/Soviet women but it's a rapidly vanishing population today. You were among the lucky ones. Heck, if I were a few years older back in the mid-80s, I might have been with the best woman I'd met in this life. Unfortunately, she was too old (32 [ btw, she already had her US green card], myself 18) and she had married a friend's single uncle, his late thirties back then and he was a nice guy (not a playa or gangster). We still keep in touch though it's strictly platonic. So I know what you're talking about.

Today, the best bet a reasonably well-read/educated guy has is to learn French (and I mean really learn it), move to Montreal, and find a French-Canadian lady who shares those values.

Anonymous said...

Some women are just looking for the gold ,but I think the majority are looking for a partner that will make a good marriage partner . How do you explain that so many women marry just normal run of the mill guys .

Oh PLEASE.

Women have always and I mean ALWAYS gravitated towards wealthy, successful men. In the same way that men have gravidated towards good looking, well endowed women. It's genetic folks. Men are attracted to beauty and women are attracted to strength and power. That will NEVER change because it is rooted in our genes.

And with regards to your statement, 'why is it that so many women marry normal average guys'? That's because most guys are exactly that: normal and AVERAGE. Ever seen a bell curve before? How many Brad Pitts are there in existence? Versus how many Earl the plumbers?

On an aside, as a guy in the dating scene, I have to say I do pay attention to the stability and financial situation of women I date. Not because I am looking for a rich woman. But I don't want a woman with a ton of financial baggage.

Anonymous said...

Once again the HP reader is profiled:

- bald
- middle aged
- overweight
- divorced
- hates women
- gets laid about once a decade

You all go ahead and save up your pennies boys. Drive those 20 year old Hondas. Live in the 1 bed, 1 bath $450 a month apartment. Maybe when you're 70 and have millions socked away you can get yourself a nice 20 year old gold digger.

Anonymous said...

anon 5:05 PM:

Some women go for the bad boys. I have never dated a man with any tattoos or piercings. I also have never dated a habitual smoker. These traits often seem to associate with mental instability.

Do the guys here feel that way about women with tattoos, or habitual smoking patterns?

Anonymous said...

The guys on here saying one needs to find women from other countries crack me up. There are people who make good and bad spouse material from every country. Look at Casey Serin if you don't believe me.

I have yet to see many intercultural couples work. If you do marry someone from another country, please make sure you understand how s/he really feels about raising children, not just money. I've met a number of people from other countries who were beaten as kids, and, sadly, it's not an easy pattern to break.

Local Boy Makes GREAT said...

"Maybe when you're 70 and have millions socked away you can get yourself a nice 20 year old gold digger."

No Maybes. Just a phone call away.

Anonymous said...

Women can support themselves these days . You people are acting like the only option a women has in life is to get a dude with money.

LOL at this. www.nomarriage.com is right. 90% of women marry up financially. Among my friends not even once was the wife making more than the husband when they got married. My ex-wife dropped out of the paid workforce for good the day she moved in.

Frank@Scottsdale-Sucks.com said...

I can't tell you how disappointed I am when a girl starts talking about her condo.

If you want a good laugh, log into match.com and pull up women's ads in Scottsdale, Arizona. They all say "I'm a homeowner and want a man who is a homeowner."

I'm afraid you are wrong. Most women look for a challenge. They go after the losers and try to change them. It's like a game to them. That's why nice guys are always their friends. Bad boys are their lovers. If guys want to be popular with the women, they have to have the edge. I know it's shallow and flaky, but that's what women want. They see the nice guy with a good education as being too boring and easy. Ask any woman and they will admit it if they are honest. However, if you are looking for a divorced MILF, then play the nice guy part. After they are burned by the loser and figure out that people don't change, they start to look for a nice successful guy to take care of them and their bastard children because the loser won't pay child support.

This is totally, 100% spot-on. Men will not be happy and successful with women until they understand this and learn how to have that "edge" even if you're a nice guy. And don't get suckered by the girl who's been f*cked and chucked by 50 guys and then wants the nice guy to marry and buy her a house.

anon 6:33- "bad boy" doesn't necessarily mean a guy with tattoos and piercings. It refers to the guy's attitude and behavior. Many women know that tattoos & piercings are fakes and the real bad boys don't have all that phony crap on their exterior.

Frank@Scottsdale-Sucks.com said...

If you want to know how much money a man makes, just look at his wife/girlfriend.

I would totally disagree with this - I know lots of successful business owners, entrepreneurs, authors, etc., and they all have normal, average to above-average looking wives and girlfriends.

What I find is guys who are newly rich will go for the barbie dolls, but after a while they realize most of those women are garbage and golddiggers with major psychological problems and go for a nice modest girl with values instead.

9 times out of 10 when I see a really hot barbie doll type woman, she's with a phony realtor type in a leased 3-series BMW.

Or as I once heard someone say, "If you want a fake woman, you have to be a fake man."

headhunter said...

Anon said;
some women go for the bad boys. I have never dated a man with any tattoos or piercings. I also have never dated a habitual smoker. These traits often seem to associate with mental instability.

Do the guys here feel that way about women with tattoos, or habitual smoking patterns?
-------------------------------------

In my experience women who smoke are the hottest, most versatile open minded bed partners...I strictly focus on women who smoke
when on the dating scene.Seriously.

Anonymous said...

It is well documented that women UNFAIRLY get paid less than men. Use your logic. . . of course women will tend to marry men who make more, because men unfairly get paid more for the same job.

You guys sound like a lot of bitter people who make yourself feel better by pretending you are superior to women. Practically every woman I know supports herself . . . Who do you guys hang out with? Get some educated friends . . . .

Anonymous said...

"Do the guys here feel that way about women with tattoos, or habitual smoking patterns?"
----------------------------
Tattoed woman = Easy
Smoker = Stupid

But they're fun to lay; just wouldn't want a long-term relationship with one of them.

So may women seem to look far and wide for the man who will treat them the worst, then they fall in love with them.

Meanwhile they ignore the decent guys. Foreign women seem to appreciate a nice man - that has been my experience, anyway.

happy homeowner in the stix said...

Reading these posts makes me damn happy that I'm not single any more.

And if you American men are so convinced you are the world's biggest prizes, guess again.

(Yeah, I'm gonna get flamed, but I'm a grown up, I can take it.)

Met & married my Russian honey four years ago when I was at my heaviest. All he had was a work visa. Maybe $500 in a Russian bank, and a credit card limit of $800. He bought my wedding ring on layaway because he didn't have the cash for it.

I had half interest in a paid off house (my brother had the other half), a classic Corvette I bought for cash (damn, I miss that car!), 50k +/- in stocks and over 100k in deferred comp. No student loans to pay off, either.

Yep, I'm from freakin' Scottsdale, too!!!

But none of you guys would have ever given me a second look then, because I didn't have an artificially expanded rack, bleached blonde hair, a thick layer of makeup and couldn't fit into a size two. And that wasn't just a Scottsdale thing, either.....that's pretty much everywhere else I traveled in America, too. If I had a dollar for all the "you have such a pretty face", etc. comments I got....

So go ahead and whine about how American women are all materialistic, blah blah blah, and they are after you for your huge, HUGE 50k in deferred comp (snicker...) You keep on working at Petsmart, thinking that dating someone who isn't a bikini model is "lowering your standards" (I am not making that up....he wonders why he is still single.)

Meanwhile, I lost fifty pounds, even after having a kid. I am sponsoring him for his green card and I paid the attorney fees to make sure it all got filed correctly. Me and my sweetie are doing wonderfully.

I'll take an import any day over the gross domestic product on display here, thanks.

Anonymous said...

::have yet to see many intercultural couples work.

I recall a study done, during the 80s with Filipina-to-American marriages and the divorce rate was less than 20%, even less than half the national US average. All and all, with a 50-60% national average, American-to-American couples aren't exactly the sterling examples of successful marriage either.

::If you do marry someone from another country, please make sure you understand how s/he really feels about raising children, not just money.

That's why I recommended Quebec (French Canada) over the likes of the former USSR. The language, cultural, and distance barriers are easier to overcome and the whole baggage of the "hard times", etc, isn't weight heavily, vis-a-vis the lifestyle and subsequent thinking of Americans . There's a lot of animosity over in eastern Europe and more often than not, I'd mainly recommend an American of *active* Slavic background/heritage, meaning a person with some contacts and/or linguistic talents with E Europe, not someone whose great grandparents came over during the first world war and haven't spoken a word of Russian since Lenin took power but someone with more recent contacts abroad.

Anonymous said...

Met & married my Russian honey four years ago when I was at my heaviest. All he had was a work visa. Maybe $500 in a Russian bank, and a credit card limit of $800. He bought my wedding ring on layaway because he didn't have the cash for it.

-----

Honey,

Can you say

G-R-E-E-N
C-A-R-D
M-A-R-R-I-A-G-E?

You could have weighed 1000lbs and had a 3rd eye and he would have still married you.

Ed said...

Frank@Scottsdale-Sucks.com said...

If you want to know how much money a man makes, just look at his wife/girlfriend.

I would totally disagree with this - I know lots of successful business owners, entrepreneurs, authors, etc., and they all have normal, average to above-average looking wives and girlfriends.

What I find is guys who are newly rich will go for the barbie dolls, but after a while they realize most of those women are garbage and golddiggers with major psychological problems and go for a nice modest girl with values instead.


Frank,

You automatically assume I meant a 19 year old bimbette with 38Ds and bleached blonde hair. Maybe that is what qualfies as 'hot' in Scottsdale or SoCal or Miami. Everywhere else, not so much.

I mean look at his woman as in look at her in terms of looks, intelligence, class, education, etc. The wife of a man making $40K a year will always be in a different league than the wife of a man making $140K a year who will also be in a different league than the $1.4M a year and so on.

Frank@Scottsdale-Sucks.com said...

G-R-E-E-N
C-A-R-D
M-A-R-R-I-A-G-E?

You could have weighed 1000lbs and had a 3rd eye and he would have still married you.


LOL!!!!!

"Everything's free in America......"

Paul E. Math said...

MassBubbleGirl, I'm not saying guys are any better. There are some things I can't talk to my buddies about because so many of them bought homes in the last few years. The guys don't bother me as much though because I'll never be on the hook to bail any of them out.

So... got any like-minded sisters? (this is a joke, I'm not trolling for dates on hp - that's what Vox is for)

Frank@Scottsdale-Sucks.com said...

I mean look at his woman as in look at her in terms of looks, intelligence, class, education, etc. The wife of a man making $40K a year will always be in a different league than the wife of a man making $140K a year who will also be in a different league than the $1.4M a year and so on.

Ok, in that case we agree and we're on the same page. Natural beauty, class, and especially intelligence are what truly successful men look for, much more so than the "plastic" beauty being discussed in this post. My girlfriend certainly fits into the natural beauty/class/intelligence category but most definitely not into the fake barbie doll slot.

(She's also college educated, but honestly I really couldn't care less about a woman's education because most colleges nowadays are just a 4-year drunken party, plus look at all the feminist brainwashing women get in college.)

My bad for assuming you meant a barbie doll trophy wife.

Anonymous said...

If guys want to be popular with the women, they have to have the edge

That is very true. The notion of a "bad boy" is somewhat eroneous though. Woman want a man who is successful but can also have a little bit of that alpha dog in him. They want to be around someone who makes them feel secure. Both physically and financially.

Point of example: I am a successful, educated and well paid man working in a Forture 500 company. I have always been the "nice guy" and the friendly individual. But a side of me that has surfaced several times is one that demonstrates I don't take shit from anyone.

My gf of 5 years once told me that in all the years we have dated, she was never more attracted to me than the time I confronted an ex-boyfriend of her's that was bugging her at a bar we were visiting. I shoved him against a wall and told him in no uncertain terms that if he went near her again, he would regret it.

So isn't it interesting that of all the instances of me doing "nice" things for her (flowers, an expensive dinner, jewelry), the ONE thing that got her juices flowing the most was when I PROTECTED her.

So guys: be nice. Be cordial. But don't forget that if you truly want to be regarded as the Knight in Shining Armor, your "princess" will want to know she can count on you to save her. Corny, yes. But very true.

happy homeowner in the stix said...

You could have weighed 1000lbs and had a 3rd eye and he would have still married you.

Don't forget the part about oozing sores, bad breath, hairy armpits, and toejam. Lots of toejam. Isn't that a requirement? ;)

If all he wanted was a green card, so what? The fact is, I'm happier with him than I ever was with one of you wonderful American guys (har har har!) He's never lied to me, has always done exactly what he said he would do, and never referred to women in derogatory terms like a lot of the posters here...in English or Russian (which I speak fluently.) He's wonderful with our boy, and works harder than your average American "prince Charming".

If it's all an act, he's Oscar caliber and could give Hollyweird actors lessons.

happy homeowner in the stix said...

So isn't it interesting that of all the instances of me doing "nice" things for her (flowers, an expensive dinner, jewelry), the ONE thing that got her juices flowing the most was when I PROTECTED her.

anon @ 11:05 yeah....you are so right on that one. That's how my mom decided my dad was "the one". Some guy was bugging her at a party, and my dad told him to get lost or else.

They had 19 years and two kids together until my mom passed away.

And chicks still dig that "rescue" thing, guys, even lady cops and firefighters. It's something in hardwired in our DNA, I swear. Take note.

BMW driving sex machine said...

women don't care what career their man is in, as long as the money is rolling in.
Your deluding yourself if you think women are going to start acting financially responsible and stay out of debt just because a housing crash is currently happening. They are wired to seek out the best providers. It's part of nature and will never change.
Women will always lie right to your face when you ask them what they are looking for in a man, because whatever they tell you, they are hooked up with exactly the opposite.

Anonymous said...

HP will change nothing when it comes to male/female relations. It will remain as it has for centuries.

Women will seek the male with the most assets and safety who can make it possible for a future family to live well. Translated to modern times it does not matter if the guy is fat, stupid, ugly, etc.....he has to have money.

Men will seek the female that will have the best physical features that he can attain to at a conscious level be with someone who turns him on but at a biological level to mate with a fertile woman that will be a good mother to his kids. Translated into the modern world....if she is busty, has a tight rear end, doesn't talk too much, has an agreeable personality, and is not nagging him to death all of the time she is ms. right.

Anonymous said...

anon 10:15 PM:

Why is it a GREEN CARD MARRIAGE when a woman talks about bringing over a man who puts up with her, but not when a man talks about how foreign women are so much more accepting? As if only men come here for green cards.

Bradhart said...

Where I live some women certainly do inquire about position (career, money, etc) but it's not as important for young women as image. They tend to gravitate towards the guys who act like their favorite stars on MTV.

Being rich is a plus, but not as important as seeming cool. That's the problem most of us frugal types have, we simply don't project the right image.

Frank@Scottsdale-Sucks.com said...

Where I live some women certainly do inquire about position (career, money, etc) but it's not as important for young women as image. They tend to gravitate towards the guys who act like their favorite stars on MTV.

There's a lot of truth to this -when I lived in Scottsdale I worked with a girl who constantly dated typical Scottsdale guys with leased Porsches and triple mortgages ... she knew full well these guys were actually broke, but she didn't care. She was all about image and wanted to pull up to the club in a Porsche or Mercedes no matter how in debt the guy was.

She'd date each guy for a few months, then move on to the next one as soon as the credit cards were maxed out.

Finally she got tired of dating fakers and moved to NYC where she quickly moved in with a real rich guy (in case you're wondering, she's H-O-T).

So sad.

Anonymous said...

All I can say is that women are strange creatures. Once you figure out what they want and give it to them, they changed their mind already. Back to square one.

As for guys, we're very easy to please. You women know what we want.

Anonymous said...

"Oh, and for anyone reading this who flames and says, “you married a foreigner because you couldn’t get laid here,” F*CK YOU!"

----

hmmm, sounds like someone has some unresolved issues to work through.

I doubt anyone thought it at all strange marrying someone from another country!

Anonymous said...

I doubt anyone thought it at all strange marrying someone from another country!

January 30, 2008 11:24 AM

---

No. What we all found strange was marrying a woman from a catalog.

Anonymous said...

anon 1:26PM,
Strange? No different than the millions of folks looking through on-line singles’ ads these days. The only difference is viewing the content on paper vs. monitor.

The original poster said his marriage has lasted 12 years and is still going strong.

How many failed relationships have YOU had within the past dozen years?

Anonymous said...

Hey folks, exchange students and ex-pats marry foreigners all the time, that's nothing new under the sun. What's new is the angst towards American women vis-a-vis international women.

I have a dozen acquaintances and friends (sans South American heritage) who'd married Brazilians within the past couple of decades. Of them, about half are still doing ok, that's not a whole lot different than the national average. Go figure.

Anonymous said...

---"Oh, and for anyone reading this who flames and says, “you married a foreigner because you couldn’t get laid here,” F*CK YOU!"

----

hmmm, sounds like someone has some unresolved issues to work through.


===================


I'd say it's simply rage against the machine, kinda like the way some RE bubblesitters got trashed for not buying with mortgages at 250% a region's going monthly rental rate.

Anonymous said...

annon said: I'll take an import any day over the gross domestic product on display here, thanks.


Hahaha I did the same and married a tall dark and handsome foriegner. Don't buy American.

Anonymous said...

you know what a guy wants, whether he's hot or not? They want a woman that works before the baby, they're cool, mostly, with her taking off for a while after the baby, as long as you make the financial sacrifices needed, then you either do your job as a homemaker happily and with pride, because if you whine to a guy the solution is simple, go get a career again!, or you go back to work without qualms/guilt and without getting some attitude regarding the whole breadwinner thing. The man is the head of the household and if more women understood this and wouldn't let feminists lead them to believe that submission to your man is weak, well divorce rate wouldn't be 50%. stats: hot milf of three married over 15yrs. from $8 hr to six figures(him not me ;)