July 06, 2007

Heard any good realtor jokes?

Go ahead HP'ers, the substitute teacher is in the room, let 'er rip

Make fun of 'em, belittle 'em, jeer them, mock them, get it all out of your system

Is there any profession in America more discredited and vilified today than "realtor"?

________________

"I have to have a raise in my commission," the realtor said to his manager. "There are three other companies after me."

"Is that so?" asked the manager. "What other companies are after you?"

"The electric company, the telephone company, and the gas company."

_________________

First realtor : Did you pass your ethics exam?

Second realtor: I passed my ethics exam. Of course I've cheated.

_________________

15 comments:

Anonymous said...

The story below is not a joke, but made me laugh. Read the entire article because it gets better:

http://tinyurl.com/2rcp8w

"(Miami Herald) Realtor portrayed as online sex peddler

For more than a month last fall, hundreds of men hunted Debbie, an Internet vixen who promised ''you'll go home with a smile'' for the right price.

Their lurid messages did not go to an escort. Instead, they went to a Realtor and married mother of two who eventually called police.

Someone posted 26 phony raunchy ads about Debbie Blasberg -- personal cellphone number included -- on the popular website Craigslist.com. Police are investigating a rival Realtor.

Blasberg, 44, says she received more than 700 phone calls at ''all hours of the night.'' Some callers asked her 11-year-old daughter for sexual favors, and text messages poured in even as she sat in the police station telling her story to a detective.

''It totally destroyed my life,'' Blasberg, who lives and works in North Miami-Dade, said this week. ``It was a nightmare. I almost ended up with a nervous breakdown.''

During one call, Blasberg began crying, and the man on the line sheepishly admitted he had found her on Craigslist."

Anonymous said...

Is there any profession in America more discredited and vilified today than "realtor"?

A: Yes. American president, followed closely by American central banker.

Hot 4 Teacher said...

Those that can't work - teach, those that can't teach - sell houses.

Mammoth said...

While out with a friend at a bar in Seattle last Saturday night, I got into a conversation with a real estate agent.

I told him in no uncertain terms exactly what I think about his type, having gotten stinkin’ rich these past few years by leading the ignorant masses into financial ruin. And I told him that real estate agents must change their ways NOW.

This guy got really belligerent, so my friend and I decided to leave. Well, he followed us out of the bar, calling me names and threatening me. By that time, I’d really had enough of his sh!t, and when he pushed me I drew back and punched him.

“What did he do, Mammoth?”

Well, he kinda skidded about 30 yards across the parking lot, then ricocheted off of a light pole and careened into the signpost in front of FB’s Granite and Marble.

I looked back over my shoulder at him as we were getting into my friend’s car, and he was still trying to get up off the concrete. No doubt he wasn’t feeling too good during his Sunday open house the next morning.

-Mammoth

Anonymous said...

Realtor,joke?

Too easy!

Anonymous said...

A San Diego realtor had taken a second job in Tijuana as part in, well, lets call it a amorous mule show, just to make ends meet.

Once the mule found out he had been banging a realtor he killed himself out of shame!!!

Terrible......terrible!

The realtor went back to 'his' no paying day job!

Anonymous said...

"I have to have a raise in my commission," the agent said to his manager. "There are three other companies after me."
"Is that so?" asked the manager. "What other companies are after you?"
"The electric company, the telephone company, and the gas company."

Anonymous said...

Commission Check

An agent who was being paid by the week approached his office manager and held up his last paycheck.
'This is two hundred dollars less than we agreed on,' he said.
'I know,' the manager said. 'But last week I overpaid you two hundred dollars, and you never complained.'
'Well, I don't mind an occasional mistake,' the agent answered, 'but when it gets to be a habit, I feel
I have to call it to your attention.'

Anonymous said...

A crusty old man walks into a real estate office and says to an female agent,
"I want to sell my god damn house."

To which the astonished female agent replies, "I beg your pardon,
sir; I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?"

"Listen up, damn it. I said I want to sell my fucking house!"

"I'm very sorry sir, but we do not tolerate that kind of
language in this office."

So saying, the agent goes over to the officer broker to tell him about her situation. They both
return and the broker asks the old geezer, "What seems to
be the problem here?"

"There's no damn problem," the man says, "I want to sell my fucking million dollar home."

"I see," says the manager, "and this bitch is giving
you a hard time?"

Anonymous said...

First Agent : Did you pass your ethics exam?
Second Agent: I passed my ethics exam. Of course I've cheated.

Anonymous said...

Broker, to four of his agents: "I'm really sorry, but I'm going to have to let one of you go."
Black Agent: "I'm a protected minority."

Female Agent: "And I'm a woman."

Oldest Agent: "Fire me, buster, and I'll hit you with an age discrimination suit so fast it'll make your head spin."

...To which they all turn to look at the helpless young, white, male Agent, who thinks a moment, then responds: "I think I might be gay..."

Anonymous said...

REALTORs®... the "lawyers" of the 21st century.

Anonymous said...

Q: Did ya hear the one about the realtor who saved his buyers money, cut his commission, and was ethical through out the process?


A: Ya never will either!

Anonymous said...

How can you tell when a realtor is lying?

His lips are moving.

How can you tell when a female realtor is closing the deal.

Her lips are moving.

(tasteless but couldn't help myself, argh argh)

Paul E. Math said...

Realtor walks into a bar with a piece of shit in his hand and says "look what I almost stepped in!".