August 31, 2006

Knock knock. Who's there? Realtor. Realtor who?


Real tore up that I just lost everything I owned thanks to my realtor

he he he

Tell your best housing bubble joke here. Winner gets the HP gold star of the day

37 comments:

Anonymous said...

when can we replace the word realtor with faketor?

devestment said...

Q: How many Realtors does it take
to sell a house?

A: None.

FrankGiovinazzi said...

Old real estate joke: "Can I interest in some Florida real estate."

New real estate joke: "Can i interest you in some Florida real estate."

Anonymous said...

B: How many Realtor does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: None. They only screw buyers and seller.

Anonymous said...

B: How many Realtors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: None. They only screw buyers and seller.

Anonymous said...

What is the difference between a realtor and a skeleton?

A: A skeleton has a spine

Anonymous said...

"I have to have a raise in my commission," the agent said to his manager. "There are three other companies after me."
"Is that so?" asked the manager. "What other companies are after you?"
"The electric company, the telephone company, and the gas company."

Anonymous said...

Have to write a letter of recommendation for that fired Agent?


For the chronically absent:
"A man like him is hard to find."
"It seemed her career was just taking off."

For the office drunk:
"I feel his real talent is wasted here."
"We generally found him loaded with work to do."
"Every hour with him was a happy hour."

For an agent with no ambition:
"He could not care less about the number of hours he had to put in."
"You would indeed be fortunate to get this person to work for you."

For an agent who is so unproductive that the job is better left unfilled:
"I can assure you that no person would be better for the job."

For an agent who is not worth further consideration as a job candidate:
"I would urge you to waste no time in making this candidate an offer of
employment."
"All in all, I cannot say enough good things about this candidate or
recommend him too highly."

For a stupid agent:
"There is nothing you can teach a man like him."
"I most enthusiastically recommend this candidate with no qualifications
whatsoever."

For a dishonest agent:
"Her true ability was deceiving."
"He's an unbelievable worker."

Anonymous said...

A broker was dismayed when a brand new real estate office much like his own opened up next door and erected a huge sign which read 'BEST AGENTS.' He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his right, and announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading 'LOWEST COMMISSIONS.' The broker panicked, until he got an idea. He put the biggest sign of all over his own real estate office. It read: 'MAIN ENTRANCE'

Alan P. said...

Professional courtesy!

Punchline only. These jokes are so old they need an enema.

how's this said...

http://www.caglecartoons.com/images/preview/%7BC45FDA02-4605-4270-BD4D-5880B21F242E%7D.gif

Anonymous said...

Bloodhound Realty sold a house in Arizona!

Just chidding!

Anonymous said...

This is funny!

US economy to weather housing storm-Fed officials

"Rising disposable incomes should enable household spending to expand at a moderate pace and provide continued support for the overall economic expansion," Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke said in a letter to a lawmaker released on Wednesday.

HolyHelocBatman said...

A renowned real estate flipper goes to the doctor complaining of pain in the rectum area and arm. The doctor patiently explains the two conditions could not be related. The flipper retorts "they most certainly are related, my ARM reset and the bank screwed me".

Anonymous said...

"US economy to weather housing storm-Fed officials"

Translation..... We're raising rates.

borkafatty said...

NIZE NOTES:


What if the Roof Caves In?


Bil Bonner, again, with perceptive comments and questions:

...most Americans look into the future, see a weakening property market, and fear not. They have been told that soft housing prices pose no problems for the rest of the economy. They have no reason to doubt that it is true; no reason to squint and try to see further. They dread neither slump nor boom...neither war nor peace. They believe everything will be managed by the authorities so as to do no great damage to the homeland.

But you typically don't lose money (or make it) when things happen as expected. No one plans on losing his life savings. It comes as a surprise – along with sudden death, financial crashes, and other crises.

Where will the surprise come from this time?

...If there are going to be difficult years in America, however, Americans are not worrying. They recall the last recession in 2001, almost fondly. Even before they had forgone a single Krispy Kreme donut...or darned a single sock...the recession was over. And on its heels came the biggest boom in housing prices the world had ever seen.

Recession? The last one was no trouble; why should they worry about the next?

The expected slump poses no danger to them. But what if the slump is not what Americans expect? What if the softening of housing prices is not so benign? What if the roof really does cave in?

Anonymous said...

Knock knock. Who's there? Realtor. Realtor who?
Real torn up about my big loss of income!

Anonymous said...

Knock knock!
Who's there?
US dollar.
US dollar? Are you playing some kind of bad joke? Go away.

Knock knock!
Who's there?
US dollar.
Hey, I told you to shuddup. You're still just the fucking doormat and that's all you'll ever be!

I swear, it sounds better in the original Chinese.

Anonymous said...

borkafatty said...

NIZE NOTES:

Dear Bonk a Pig,
No Thread jacking allowed.
me

Anonymous said...

Knock - knock; who's there? IO and ARM.

IO and ARM who?

IO a million dollars in mortgage and I'm losing my ARM to my lender.

Anonymous said...

knock knock

who's there

bloodhound realty

get the F*CK off my porch you lying bastards!

dvo said...

Knock Knock.

Who's there?

Your Fannie Mae.

Your Fannie Mae who?



*laughing too hard to finish

Anonymous said...

They've already booked the motivational speaker for next year's NAR convention: it's the Maytag repairman!

smugbastard06 said...

Realtor:
Hi there are you interested in buying or selling a home?

Customer: only if you suck my sack.

Realtor: Why should I?

Customer: Because Suzanne said so!

SUCK IT AND SUCK IT HARD.
MUAHAAHAHAHAHAHHA
BBBIATCHES!!!!

FLic said...

Which does not belong:

A) AIDS
B) Herpes
C) Syphilis
D) A house in SW Florida


Answer: C

You can actually get rid of Syphilis..

Anonymous said...

Still, the good news according to the report is that homeowners have large equity stakes so as to protect themselves from either selling at a loss or not being able to make their mortgage payments. Just three percent of homeowners in 2004 had equity of less than five percent and "87 percent had a cushion of at least 20 percent," the report notes.

http://www.remodeling.hw.ne
t/industry-news.asp?
referer=rss149§ionID=14
9&articleID=357200

Won't a 10% drop in price take out the 20% cushion of
equity for the 87% people who brought in 2004?

Anonymous said...

Knock, Knock....

Who's there?

I forgot the rest

Anonymous said...

Century 21 Commercial.

The couple that Suzanne talked into a house they couldn't afford are looking off into a beautiful sunset. A light breeze dancing through the womans hair and dress. Her husband standing still, his arms around her waist. They're strangely quiet.

The echoing voice is audible over the breeze "Suzanne said we can do this......."

The couple then takes a step forward, falling 25 stories to their death.

Visions of their shattered dreams fade in and out as the jump is shown in slow motion. The screen cuts to black as they hit the ground in their final desperate act.

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sandiegoHICK said...

Douche Bag!

Chuck said...

Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Ice cream!
Ice cream who?
Ice cream if you throw me in the cold, cold water!

Chuck said...

What combination of 50 U.S. coins makes a dollar?

40 pennies, 8 nickels, and 2 dimes.